Art Blog

A poetry book by Eryn James

 

 

My Honest Poem

How many of you have kept secrets from yourself?

Those "I shouldn't have eaten that last piece of chocolate cake" or that "I'm in love with my best friend" secrets

Well I feel like its time for me to be honest with myself,

 

Boys tell me I’m beautiful and I say thank you to be polite but I have no idea what it really means,

They say, "The sun is a reflection of your smile and the sky is envious of your demeanor."

Through the compliment I hear "Shawty you bad. Can I hit?" sometimes "Girl you are gorgeous and that alone should put a smile on gods face".

But I can never decipher between being a bad jaw and a queen so I just say thank you,

 

I sometimes forget that I’m a person and wonder who my classmates are talking to when they call out my name in the hallways,

I get nervous when people get close enough to hear my breaths because then I have to actually be in the room,

Rambling is one of my many talents because I tend not to make sense,

See I never know exactly what to say and sometimes I accidentally say what I’m thinking.

 

Sometimes I forget that divinity lives in my habits and that I was born from naturalist,

 

Truth be told I still hold my ex's name bottled into my bones because I don't know how to let go,

I seem to hold onto anything that feels good for that moment in hopes that the moment will last forever,

Or at least return just one more time so I can properly inhale perfection,

 

I have to admit I’m a hypocritical perfectionist,

I tend to try to fix everything around me but myself,

I figured since my innocence is well past tampered with I might as well leave it that way,

 

I see pain in paradise so I try to avoid changing the world,

I was brought up being taught that change is a mistake and beauty doesn't exist in these streets.

 

I don't have too many secrets but the ones I do have live at 30th street station where I go to talk to the ceilings,

Breathing my stories onto lunch time table tops,

I confide in the walls because I know bricks can keep secrets,

I often see my thoughts ricocheting off septa bus windows because they just won’t shut up,

6 am bus rides to basketball practice on top of homework and projects cant really keep you sane.

I think Facebook is a better therapist than the resource specialist at my school because it knows when to shut up and let me make a comment,

 

I'm sick of people telling me to write a poem,

My friends think because I’m a poet that’s the easiest way to get free,

I've discovered that writing cannot be the key to every shackle that holds you down,

My problems can’t be solved with a note pad and pen,

I turn to poetry only when I can handle recapping the worst of me,

But honestly when the my pen hits my life,

My world shakes like Hurricane Katrina is about to blow through my brain.

Sometimes I just want to say to hell with my writing,

I just want to scream even thought I know it wont solve anything but it takes way less time and effort than caring if someone with like my metaphors and similes.

 

Sometimes and only sometimes I wish I were more honest with myself.

 

Confession to A.J

I would've never thought that I'd found the perfect me in a person so opposite myself,

You’re the me that I could never be,

 I've always wanted to make the world a better place and by the world I mean the little part of it that belongs to me,

But I’ve come to the realization that without you my life wouldn't be as complete so I’ll go out on a limb and say that I can only make my world a better place if and only if I do everything within my power to make sure that the world you live in is precisely to your liking,

I'd never think that I’d find my soul mate,

A person ideally suited to me as a close friend but NOT a romantic partner,

In a being such as yourself,

I'd never make your world cry,

Or attempt to be yet another burden placed upon your back, 

Just as you'd never attempt damage my already broken soul,

You couldn't fathom what you do for me as a person so just try to concoct a remote idea of what you do for me on a more spiritual level,

On days where you feel like your falling apart like weathered stone I will graciously gather you like gold dust between my fingers and help re-construct you just as you were,

I love just as you were,

Just as you are, just as you will be

And I’ll stand beside you at times when you feel like you have to go to war with the world, just like you told me,

There’s never a day that goes by that you should feel any form of loneliness,

As long as I have a breath in my body the feeling of lonesome will not exist to you, I will always be here until my body is laid to rest,

I'll know that I've had my peace,

And it doesn't matter to me if you feelings are remotely connected to mine because what you can do for me in just one glance, one day spent together in silence,

In one passionate conversation,

In one innocent forehead kiss, in one reassuring hug,

Another can't do for me in 10 lifetimes and my gratitude is infinite.

 

Girls 

This is for the girls who aren’t content with their bodies,

Girls who don’t understand the power they hold by just being women alone,

Girls who try to compromise who they are to be something they’re not for people, who don’t even matter,

Didn’t you know that sizes 8 -18 are just as beautiful as a size 2,

You are a queen no matter how large,

They always say the bigger the better,

So how much satisfaction can you get out of a dainty little doll baby?

Even if you wear a size 11 shoe,

You can still have your Cinderella story,

Glass slippers don’t just come in size 4’s,

You are still divine, 

I know some days you just want to let everything go and say I don’t care,

I know there are days when you want to dispose of your halo,

And on those days I will hold it above your head,

You’re still an angel on days when other peoples standards make you feel like a monster,

 You have a smile that could put the sun to shame,

And eyes that could strike Aphrodite with envy, 

Skin like softest clouds in heaven,

I want you to understand,

That the looks of a air brushed King Magazine Model can never amount to the natural beauty you posses,

A man will only love you correctly if you love yourself that way first,

So don’t rush the process,

Learn to love yourself slowly so you wont miss a spot,

And don’t pretend to be someone your not,

And don’t waist gods time praying you were somebody else,

You’re a commodity to this planet as the person that you are,

So don’t regret turning out the way you did,

Because every women has a day where she hates something about herself,

When she wishes she were never born because nobody told her what she had the potential to amount to,

And grated,

I am no Opra or doctor Phil,

I cannot pay to fix your faults or feed you some psychology mumbo jumbo to make you feel better,

But I can let you cry on my shoulder,

Let you create oceans of your tears in my lap,

Help you reflect on the person that you are,

And the women you aspire to be,

Help you recognize your elegance,

I can do that much for you,

Because that is just how much I care.  

 

Expectations

Yesterday I wanted you be every reason I stood up straight,

I wanted you to become everything I breathed for,

I wanted you to be that reassuring feeling in the pit of my stomach that everything was going to be okay,

I wanted you to be my adrenaline rush,

Fun,

Wanted you to be my pulse,

Dependence,

A love,

That ooo I cant stop this feeling and I don't want to kind of love,

I wanted you be everything I needed for tomorrow,

A reassuring hug,           

A rainbow after this thunderstorm,

Something beautiful to look forward to,

My piece of mind,

My sanity,

My will to stay just a little while longer,

Baby, help me hold on for a few moments more,

Help me remember yesterday and the images it captured of our happiness,

Help me find my grasp of reality because with you everyday will be easy like Sunday morning,

I wanted you be the love song that I never wanted to forget the words to,

But today I realize that no love is perfect and sometimes there’s no love at all,

Just lust in disguise,

And to embrace that is to embrace reality in its purest form,

With that being said,

Tomorrow I want you to be yourself whichever way you want,

I'm not expecting anything of you anymore just be you,

Be exactly the person god intended you to be at your worst so I can accept you that way first,

So when you reveal to me you at your best I'll know that I deserved it.

 

Confident Women Piece

I won't concern myself with degrading catcalls,

I'm a goddess and will never reduce myself to a "jawn",

A "bitch",

A "hoe",

Or a "shawty" for any boy who thinks he got enough mugga in his pocket to own me,

Priceless is what you should call a person of my stature, And no,

I'm not the most confident girl on earth let alone in this room but on days when my confidence is only knee high I still stride smoothly in my heels,

I’m gorgeous and I love almost everything about me,

My laugh,

My big feet,

(more stuff I love about me)

And it didn’t take validation from anyone for me to see,

I don't need a man to make me whole,

He is merely an extra attachment sold separately from my main masterpiece,

I won't label myself as a damsel in distress because I'm strong enough to break down any barrier between my happiness and me,

I’m the type of women who will grow old build a home standing on her own two feet,

I’m every mans fantasy,

I’m not conceited so there’s no reason to argue it but my advice to you is stop worrying about me and concern yourself more with becoming a queen.

 

Dear Love,

I’m not a love poet,

The idea of writing about a person that I have passionate feelings for scares me,

That makes the concept of rejection and heartbreak too vivid for me to handle,

But if tomorrow I decided that I wanted to write the perfect love story,

My first poem would be about you,

Not about how I love you but about how somehow you make the idea of love a lot less scary for me,

Every time I see you I smile like an absent minded child,

I'm not usually a love poet but if I were I’d write about how I see centuries of happiness in your eyes and how lost I get in them every time our pupils connect even if its just for a second,

I'd write about how your demeanor is that of a sunset,

Hurting and beautiful all at once,

Some nights I find myself waiting for the sky to turn purple and blue like a bruise so I can blow kisses at it at the in hopes that I can make it feel better,

If I were the type of poet who liked to look on the bright side of things,

I'd explain pain like art,

I’d write about how I like watching you,

Admiration without commentary,

I like to call you silent poetry,

You’re a perfectly imperfect masterpiece,

That fits right into the chaotic puzzle of my life,

I’ve never really thought about love,

But if we just pretended that I had I’d write about how I love hugging you,

I enjoy the sound of our hearts beating in unison against each other,

Its like your heartbeat is the bass-line to my rib cage playing symphonies on my insides,

There’s always music in me when you’re around,

It’s like you Boq (that music guy) and Beethoven sat in the chambers of my heart and had the most beautiful of conversations,

I know how you how you feel about the L word so I don't want to make love to you,

I want to make heavens with you,

Use a few hours to turn a bedroom into galaxies with you,

Scratch my future on you sides so there’s reason to be anywhere but beside you tomorrow.

I want to tickle you in places no other girl has,

I want to hold you so tight that my right hand is imprinted over your heart,

So you understand that I promise to love you on days when your heart feels like an avalanche,

And I know it’s hard to trust girls these days,

So think of it like this,

I want to be everything that no girl ever had the audacity to be for you,

A person who isn’t afraid to be trustworthy and honest with you, 

Sometimes when I call you with absolutely nothing to say it's not just to get on your nerves,

I just want to hear your voice and I was too scared to admit that,

See I have this crazy fear of forgetting what you sound like,

I don't want to lose you,

So when I get the chance,

I'm going to hold you like my last breath,

Cherish you like my heartbeat,

I’ll be good to you,

Sometimes when I'm next to you I get this fuzzy feeling all over me,

I think its God's way of saying, "this is the way it was meant to be",

I’ve finally found someone who makes me just as happy as I make myself and alls I want to do is give that back.