Time and Loss in Gilead
On page 228 of The Handmaid’s Tale, Offred receives a photograph of her kid. The kid who was in the backseat when all three of them tried to escape and then failed miserably. The kid that she birthed and loved so very much. But after not seeing her child for so long, it seems like she has lost some of this connection. She never knew if Luke and her child had ever made it out alive, so it was difficult to keep hope and believe that they were really out there. She is immediately washed over by emotion when looking at the photo, and Offred first notices how much she has changed. “Time has not stood still. It has washed over me, washed me away, as if I’m nothing more than a woman of sand.” (228) We notice that Offred hasn’t thought very much about how others must have changed during this time; she was too focused on her survival and looking for ways to revolt and escape. The phrase “woman of sand” can be looked at in many ways. I see it as she has been worn away by Gilead’s oppression. It is more than just a physical hardship; it is internal and psychological, taking her down from within. Now, when having flashbacks, which were once a form of escape and a way to remember more from the past, she will only think about her daughter and if she is ok. Gilead has not only taken her freedom but also her loved ones, too.
This idea of having a new person to take care of is really scary to Offred, and I totally agree with what she is feeling. It is one thing knowing you’re in a bad situation, but a totally different thing to know that someone you love and care for is in a bad situation too. We also see this in many movies, when a character won’t give some information up and is willing to die for their cause, they often bring in someone close to that character and inflict punishment on them. You can often see how fast their attitudes will change, and whatever information they were holding back before will soon come out. When it was only Offred in this messed-up world, it was difficult, but only fending for herself wasn’t impossible. But now that she has a connection to someone else in this system, someone that she loves so much, she feels the motherly duty to help.
“Better she’d brought me nothing.” (228) is what Offred thinks soon after looking at the photo. This photo gives her a horrible realization that her daughter had become a product of Gilead. This sense of permanent distance from her daughter is terrifying, and the thought that she could face what Offred is currently going through. She notices that she has been erased from her daughter’s life, and even if they do get out of Gilead, they will never have the relationship she wanted, because she missed so much of her childhood. It is very difficult to maintain a relationship after not talking for a long time, if that was willingly or not. This is because people change so much so fast, especially due to the circumstances around them. Offred’s daughter could be a totally new person now and not even recognize Offred, and that is what she is terrified of.
All of the flashbacks to her previous life with Luke and their daughter become much more important now. Before these memories were a link, some of the only things she could remember from her previous life, and a reason for her not to fully give in to Gilead, and a reason not to try anything too rash. She believed that Luke and she would come for her one day. That they had made it to the safe haven and were waiting for the right time to come and take her away.
While it seems like Serena Joy was trying to be nice for once and finally help Offred, what she has done might have done the exact opposite. We see the effects right after Serena Joy leaves, and Offred thinks about how she is never allowed a knife when eating. “When there’s meat they cut it up for me ahead of time, as if I’m lacking manual skills or teeth. I have both, however. That’s why I’m not allowed a knife.” (228) She knows that she is too valuable to this society because she is fertile and this rule has definitely been implemented because of other handmaids in the past using the knife to either escape or take their own life.
