The enslavement of African-Americans ended in 1865 with the Civil War and the Emancipation Proclamation, but the violence brought on that group persists to this day. With the knowledge that the only reason that so many African Americans are in America today is that their ancestors were sold as objects still brings tension between citizens today. The freedom of enslaved people didn’t mean immediate equal treatment. The era of reconstruction and Jim Crow followed and began with hate groups such as the KKK emerged, spreading the belief of white supremacy. There are people still alive today who have been affected by the civil rights era; the segregation of white and black people has left scars in this country. The internalized frustration of being dehumanized and treated as less than for so long still exists in the minds of individuals. These frustrations in the past have led to extremist groups. The way the government has mistreated black people has led to a country in which the violence and an internal war within the US.

In 1972, a Philadelphia-based black liberation group called MOVE was formed by John Africa. He and his followers all took on the surname Africa; the deeply religious black nationalist group was involved in many violent occurrences in the city of Philadelphia. Their name derived from a quote from the founder, “Everything that’s alive moves. If it didn’t it would be stagnant, dead.” This belief has brought the group to remain active even today. The war between the Philadelphia police and MOVE began during a shoot out in [] leaving [] officers dead and left nine of the members convicted of murder. These members were sentenced to 100 years in prison and denied parole in 2008. The group relocated to a house in West Philadelphia where the end of the war would occur. In 1985, Wilson Goode, the first black mayor of Philadelphia would order for “military grade” weapons to be brought upon the MOVE house. The house was hit with two bombs resulting in 11 deaths of members of MOVE including 5 children. Before the bombing, the police were initially trying to arrest the MOVE members, reportedly saying over a loudspeaker, “Attention MOVE: This is America.” The layers of this statement begin brought to mind the 2017 released song This is America, a song whose imagery brings to attention the injustice that has taken place in black communities

The bombing gave Philadelphia a new name: “The City that Bombed Itself.” The escalation perfectly captures the war between the black citizens of America and the government. The group was formed out of frustration of inequality. Through years of mistreatment the black communities will eventually manifest itself with retaliation. When fighting back, MOVE was drastic and refused to play by anyone's rules but their own, and with that brought the coming of the escalation. The bombing burned down homes across the the predominantly black neighborhood, showing that the government of Philadelphia was more concerned about eliminating the denial of their power than black citizen’s lives and wellbeing. They were more concerned with the power they possessed and the threat that MOVE was to that, then the displacement of hundreds of families and the lives of five children.

In the past and even in recent years, the lack of care for black lives the justice system and government of the US has shown has been jarring. This created unrest and violent riots. In 1992, when three Los Angeles cops were acquitted after the assault of Rodney King, infamous riots erupted throughout LA. Another instance of this occurred in 2014, with the death of Michael Brown, which led to unrest in ferguson. Both cases had video evidence of the violence brought upon the people, however the deaths and assaults were seen through a lens of necessary force. The lack of justice brought to the loss of black lives is a direct contradiction with ethics upheld  in US society. When people die, someone is held responsible, and the lack of action to convict shows that black people are viewed as unworthy of justice. The notion that innocent until proven guilty doesn’t seem to apply when a black life is lost.

The internal war of America has been waged on black citizens that haven’t been equally been treated or considered. The way in which black life is viewed is disposable. Until the government and justice system truly sees the average black citizen as equal to every other person, the war will persist. Essentially causing frustration and acts of violence across the US. The government is meant to advocate for all, but have fallen flat when it comes to black communities.

The words “Dear Lord” use to roll off my tongue like breath in and out of my lungs. There was no effort associated with my faith. My family attended church daily not weekly. The energy of my hope in the world was unwavering even bad days saw a thick silver lining. I went to private school so my weekdays were filled with the good book too. This was until my family stopped attending church and my private school life shifted in to a public school one. When our car radio was tuned to hits 1 instead of christian radio. When I’d fall asleep at night without requiring a prayer. When religion was stripped out of my life I felt lost, with no ability to gain my bearings. The straw that broke the camel's back in us attending church was an incident with my sister. One day at church my sister fell into a fit of distress during service. She asked for my parents while the pastor's wife told her it was just the holy spirit speaking through her.  When my parents found out about this they were furious. They yelled and like a shield their words protected my sister. We all left that day me a confused child who longed for the understanding that comes with age. Now when I think back I see that the church had a toxicity, they didn’t care to give my sister what she needed. So the thought of going back to return to an old identity feels off. Why go back to something when I've moved so far forward? Regression doesn't feel like the right course of action.

Throughout the film, Beasts of the Southern Wild, the characters discuss the universe and how it affects them. Hushpuppy a young girl expresses in the film, “If one piece [of the universe] bust, only one piece, the whole thing busts” Hushpuppy acknowledges her understanding of the position she occupies in the universe as a whole. She believes that on some level she serves a purpose. With religion the ideal of serving a purpose is an easily obtained. Removing the consistency of enforced organized religion in my life made the idea of serving a purpose a dissolvable concept. It was hard for me to understand why anything I did, or anything I would come to do would matter.

In a TED Talk detailing the feeling of losing one’s identity, Jeannie Woller says this about her struggle ending her soccer career, “I lost the institutions, the external platforms for which this identity, could be validated by others.” In public religious rituals, going to church, youth group, and attending christian school I had something reinforcing my religion. I felt lost without them. I felt as though I wasn’t enough without constant validation of God; I began questioning everything from my sexuality to the basic instinct of praying every night before I went to bed. COnfusion towards  identity was normal for someone of my age, but losing a complete sense of self was like a plant being ripped from the ground, like living without my roots. I had to figure out how all the pieces fit together. It was like putting a two separate puzzles together trying to make them create a cohesive image.

With the loss of religion in my day to day life, I lost a sense of self and purpose. Regaining that sense of self was something I struggled with. To this day I miss the oneness and faith I have lost with the loss of religion but there is a part of me that associates that feeling of faith with my juvenile self. Children believe deeper , they see colors brighter, so maybe the my physical growth has something to do with the loss.  I miss feeling always protected as I did before. Now I have to find a new place where I can feel that shield. Looking for a new environment to nourish and help me grow as a person. Realizing that when a plant is taken from the ground and planted somewhere else it still keeps some of its original root when being planted in a new place. Seeing myself as a plant that will be replanted gives me more optimism toward the future.

Frank Ocean voice pierced through my thoughts.

“I thought that I was dreaming when you said you loved me,”

I laid my back on the hard floor surrounded by a wall of boxes. Each box held a part of my life, this room held a part of my life. As moving day got closer, packing got more difficult. The reality was setting in. Watching my life packed away into boxes.

“The start of nothing,”

The bag full of things I meant to throw away but never did was finally defined as trash. A year earlier I watched as my sister things disappear as she went away to college. Now I watch as my whole family and I disappear from this apartment I grew up in.

“I had no chance to prepare I couldn’t see you coming”

I would never be walked home to here again. I would never forget my keys to get into this apartment again. My room would be someone else’s room. The door that was too big for the frame would be someone else's problem. My door had always been broken. It didn’t close all the way and now a new family would come in and probably fix it. My door. They’d take it off the hinges. The song started to fade out. I grab my phone and  hit repeat. I will stay in this moment forever. This moment where my room is still my room. Where my door is still my door. Where my home is mine and no one else's.

“This is it” My mom said unlocking the door to a house I’d never seen before. We walked into a large room. I carried the tiny piano I grew up playing in my arms. I walked up the stairs to see what would become my home. What was meant to be my room was four walls and a hallway that led back to a bathroom. I walked in and the door closed. A door that actually closes. I put the piano down and I sat down on the carpet in front of a window where the sun shone down. I felt the warmth on the carpet. It was so quiet. No blaring sirens, just the occasional hum for a passing car. I put my hand onto the keys of the small piano and played a C chord. The sound rang out and echoed. The echo of an empty room. The echo of my room.

The flaws of this room i’d come to accept. My door would slam when I didn’t want it to, my old door never did that. Carpet, a broken closet door, the sound the ceiling makes when someone is upstairs.

Change was never my strong suit so when it can go moving the effects were immense. Stages of transition always get me, the whole idea of losing a part of what used to be my whole life always causes a shift. I’m tired of shutting down in the face of change. My high school transition took two years. Two years of messing up. Two years of lack of motivation. And everytime I finally adjust to a change it forces me to ask the question is it too late? Am I too late to fix this?

Traumatic events cause different reactions in people depending on their personality, but they have a higher chance of being  detrimental to children. Think of a child getting lost in store for a second that child thinks they are all alone in the world, and that memory can stick with them. Some children refuse to speak after trauma, while others act out in destructive ways, and many children become numb to the trauma. In The Lord of The Flies by William Golding, one may see savages and boys reverting to natural, predatory, tendencies. But through a psychological lens, the reader can take  a different view. The boys are not acting on savage instinct, but rather coping with the loss of adult figures and the stress of being on their own.

A group of boys ages ranging up to 12 get stranded on an island. They vote for a leader, Ralph, who remains the leader throughout the book. The boys create a character called the beast who one boy, Simon, says that the beast is just a man.  After the boys behavior really gets out of hand and the boy, Simon, ends up dying. Piggy, who seems to remain a voice of reason throughout the book is comforting Ralph after the Murder of Simon and Ralph says, "I’m frightened. Of us. I want to go home Oh God, I want to go home." pg 157  I want to go home is a statement that shows the youth of Ralph. He was placed in a position of power and now we can see his weakness. Out of the loss of theadults they attempt to make their own civilization the death of Simon is the beginning of the fall of their society. They created the character of the beast to personify their fear and when that idea was challenged they lashed out. Now that Simon is dead, Ralph feels that he has failed as a leader and he now longs for home where everything is in order and he doesn’t have to run his own life. If he was acting solely on savage instinct this wouldn’t be part of his reaction. If he was only acting on primitive instinct he would feel guilt or be mourning Simon.

The boys behavior can be examined from a psychological perspective. In an article written about Children and Teens with PTSD.  THe following was said, “They might also think there were signs that the trauma was going to happen. As a result, they think that they will see these signs again before another trauma happens. They think that if they pay attention, they can avoid future traumas.” The article is talking about how if a child initially saw signs of the traumatic event they may act out in order to stop another similar event from occuring. In Lord of The Flies the boys do just this. They are in a plane crash so their original social order failed them and in an attempt to create a new social order another tragedy, Simon’s Death happens so they readjust and moe more and more away from the systems that failed them.

boys have the ability to reason. They listen to Piggy which is rare occurrence. They listened to him which means they aren’t savages they are just looking for a leader. The last point of structure is the conch and they still see rules. The whole structure falls after the conch is destroyed.

When you were young did you ever lash out when you were scared? Traumatic events cause different reactions depending on who a person is, but they can be most detrimental to children. Some children refuse to speak after trauma, while others act out in destructive ways, and many children become numb to the trauma. On this island, the boys act out in violent ways. Through a societal lens, one may see savages and boys reverting to natural, predatory, tendencies. But through a psychological lens one may get a different view. The boys are not acting on savage instinct but rather coping with the loss of adult figures and the stress of being on their own.

“Do you like Marilyn Manson?”

“Yeah I love her.”

If you don’t understand why that’s funny, I should explain that Marilyn Manson is a man, but christian sheltered me didn’t know that. I grew up very religion centered. I never listened to any music except christian music, I also went to private school. I prayed before I went to bed, I was a good christian girl, and I was very good at making friends. So when I transferred from private to public school, I was a deer in headlights. I had no clue how to be cool in this new environment. The first few years of adjusting  were tough, but, I got the hang of faking it when it came to pop culture. That's why the first album I bought on iTunes was Taylor Swift’s Fearless. I was a master at blending in even when I had no clue what I was doing.

When I first transferred in 2nd grade there was a lot of crying involved. All the kids were faster than me and they all seemed to be smarter than me. Once I was caught starting my test early because I was tired of always being the last one who finished. At my old school,  I was one of the smartest kids but here I was a little slower. A fact I refused to accept. I got caught with the test and the student teacher grabbed me and brought me up to my sister’s class. I was balling my eyes out. I wasn’t cheating I just wanted to finish with the other kids. I only did the section with vocabulary in it. They were all things I knew I just couldn’t keep up because the other kids would finish so fast. I already didn’t have any friends yet the least I could have was being smart.

By 4th grade, I had regained my title as one of the smartest kids in school  and caught up with the other kids but then came the factor of friends. Everyone would talk about music I didn’t know and people I’d never heard of. By this time, my family had stopped going to church all together, so I didn’t have my church friends and I didn’t have any friends at school either. I started just flat out lying when it came to pop culture.

“Jade, you read Harry Potter, right?”

To which my answer would be yes. Even though at church they would say Harry Potter was evil. A fact I would learn was not true at all. It was exhausting trying to keep up but when I finally did make a friend all they cared about was school, which I could get behind since it was one thing I truly did know about.

In 5th grade I was back to my old habits. When the friend that only cared about school, Hannah, introduced me to her friend Leviana. Leviana was funny and cool, so I just followed her lead. If Leviana liked something, I liked that thing.

“Do you like Marilyn Manson?”

“Yeah I love her,” I’d say

I just wanted to fit in. Being exceptional wasn’t the goal anymore. If I could just blend in that would be perfect. I started stealing personality traits so I was just a carbon copy of everyone else.

By 8th grade I had friends and I’d given up on being anyone but Jade. It wasn’t worth the effort, but since I’d been trying to be someone else for so long I didn’t even understand who I was anymore. I wasn’t the little christian girl that cried when things didn’t go her way. I wasn’t someone that was just part of the crowd. I just stopped caring all together. My grades suffered because I was scared of moving forward. I suffered because my grades suffered. My parents were angry. I finally started looking out for myself again by the end of the year . By then it was too late for my grades, but not too late for me.

I still don’t go to church, I don’t pray before I go to bed, and it's been 10 years since I set foot in a private school. I don’t listen to the music other people listen to the music I want to listen to. I don’t lie when people ask me about thing I don’t know.  If someone asks me if I like Marylin Manson I’ll tell the truth.

“Do you like Marilyn Manson?”

“Yeah I love her.”

If you don’t understand why that’s funny, I should explain that Marilyn Manson is a man, but christian sheltered me didn’t know that. I grew up very religion centered. I never listened to any music except christian music, I also went to private school. I prayed before I went to bed, I was a good christian girl, and I was very good at making friends. So when I transferred from private to public school, I was a deer in headlights. I had no clue how to be cool in this new environment. The first few years of adjusting  were tough, but, I got the hang of faking it when it came to pop culture. That's why the first album I bought on iTunes was Taylor Swift’s Fearless. I was a master at blending in even when I had no clue what I was doing.

When I first transferred in 2nd grade there was a lot of crying involved. All the kids were faster than me and they all seemed to be smarter than me. Once I was caught starting my test early because I was tired of always being the last one who finished. At my old school,  I was one of the smartest kids but here I was a little slower. A fact I refused to accept. I got caught with the test and the student teacher grabbed me and brought me up to my sister’s class. I was balling my eyes out. I wasn’t cheating I just wanted to finish with the other kids. I only did the section with vocabulary in it. They were all things I knew I just couldn’t keep up because the other kids would finish so fast. I already didn’t have any friends yet the least I could have was being smart.

By 4th grade, I had regained my title as one of the smartest kids in school  and caught up with the other kids but then came the factor of friends. Everyone would talk about music I didn’t know and people I’d never heard of. By this time, my family had stopped going to church all together, so I didn’t have my church friends and I didn’t have any friends at school either. I started just flat out lying when it came to pop culture.

“Jade, you read Harry Potter, right?”

To which my answer would be yes. Even though at church they would say Harry Potter was evil. A fact I would learn was not true at all. It was exhausting trying to keep up but when I finally did make a friend all they cared about was school, which I could get behind since it was one thing I truly did know about.

In 5th grade I was back to my old habits. When the friend that only cared about school, Hannah, introduced me to her friend Leviana. Leviana was funny and cool, so I just followed her lead. If Leviana liked something, I liked that thing.

“Do you like Marilyn Manson?”

“Yeah I love her,” I’d say

I just wanted to fit in. Being exceptional wasn’t the goal anymore. If I could just blend in that would be perfect. I started stealing personality traits so I was just a carbon copy of everyone else.

By 8th grade I had friends and I’d given up on being anyone but Jade. It wasn’t worth the effort, but since I’d been trying to be someone else for so long I didn’t even understand who I was anymore. I wasn’t the little christian girl that cried when things didn’t go her way. I wasn’t someone that was just part of the crowd. I just stopped caring all together. My grades suffered because I was scared of moving forward. I suffered because my grades suffered. My parents were angry. I finally started looking out for myself again by the end of the year . By then it was too late for my grades, but not too late for me.

I still don’t go to church, I don’t pray before I go to bed, and it's been 10 years since I set foot in a private school. I don’t listen to the music other people listen to the music I want to listen to. I don’t lie when people ask me about thing I don’t know.  If someone asks me if I like Marylin Manson I’ll tell the truth.

Soy yo

El hija de padres ciudadano

No soy clandestino

Menor hermana

Producto de Estados Unidos

Veo mi amigas y familia

Saboreo mi cultura

Huelo mi horneando de mi hermana

Oigo la risa de mi madre

Toco y abrazo mi familia

Tocar el piano

Tocar el guitar

Tocar el ukelele

Me encanta cantar y musica

Mi familia es Mezclado

Estamos contentos

Estoy contentos

When I was creating my slide I started and really wanted to include a lot of things but then I realized if I did that it could be distracting to the eye. So i decided to keep it simple so it shows you who I am without being overwhelming to the eye. As you can see my slide has a ukulele on it and I put the vinyl record in the body of the uke. I did that so that everything looked like it was supposed to be there. I included two things I love that were under the same topic and the title of my me magazine to connect the two together in  a way. I kept the font big but not so big that my audience couldn't pay attention to me and what i was saying. I stayed with a basic white background to make my text and pictures pop. I added the world in the word world to incorporate movement in the slide. Itś a gif so you're not just looking a a bland slide. so  welcome to my world I hope you enjoyed.