Two-Faced Talking

“Yo, there’s some crazy jawn that’s over in the city! Let’s slide thru real quick and make this the move!” Okay, whatever, let’s go. “ard, let’s dip!” is what comes out my mouth. “Zahirah, how was school?” it was ard i guess. “It was good, I hung out with some friends, and had a good day. How was work?”

I am one of those people that when it comes to language, I have two different personas. I can be completely formal, mostly around adults, and polite- or in other words, I talk like I have ever picked up a book before. I can’t speak a certain way in front of my grandmother, and expect to not get slapped or lectured about my grammar. The way I was brought up in my family, improper grammar and slang, is just simply not acceptable or tolerated. I was always told to “speak like a lady, like you are talking to the president of the United States”, and in turn there is always an expectation that I follow in front of my elders. “Don’t use the word ain’t in my house. Don’t refer to things as jawns in my presence! I know I raised you to know better than that young lady.” These are the rules in which I had based my childhood off of in my home, and it has benefitted me so much. My vocabulary was forced to expand, and I am able to surprise adults when I speak to them for the first time because they’re used to hearing a child of color talk with a drawl, or improper English.

However, when I am around my friends, or people my age, speaking the way that they do, or sounding like I come from the streets, and know all this slang is more beneficial than isn’t. Part of that is society’s fault because it made teenagers my age think differently of anybody who “talks right”. I’d get called stuck up, or uppity, and looked at in a weird way if I actually name objects instead of saying jawn, or saying isn’t instead of ain’t. My entire persona switches up really quickly when I get around my friends, and I curse more than usual. I go against everything that I was taught as a child.

“How are you doing?”

That’s too proper.

“Wassup, how you been?”

Acceptable.

For awhile I often felt really conflicted because I was being put in situations when I had to constantly switch up the two different ways I talked. It caused me to often stumble upon my words, and that resulted in me being insecure to speak sometimes.

Growing up with the two different dialogues I was being taught, and also influenced to say have made me into an individual that I hope stands out with her voice. I used to be so confused and conflicted over which kind of speech I could use around which kind of people, and after a while it became an everyday struggle trying to switch up the two. As time went on, I realized that there was no need to keep changing myself to fit the situation. I came up with my own way of how I communicate combining both dialects I’ve grown up around. It’s helped me really be more comfortable with my own voice, and has helped me communicate to people better when I feel comfortable with the way I sound.