Sexuality vs. Mom

Posted by Tayah Brunson in English 2 · Pahomov/Rhymer · E Band on Friday, September 21, 2018 at 3:07 pm

My phone starting to ring while I sat on my bed doing homework. I thought nothing could be worse or harder than 8th grade algebra. The call was from my mom. It was normal for us to call each other from the other room, but then I remembered one thing. My mom told me if she ever calls me I might as well come to her.

I knocked on her door. The hollow wood echoing in my hallway.

“Come in.”

I open the door, the joints squealed for a quick second.

“Wassup Ma?”

“Can I talk to you real quick?”

“Sure Ma”

“So, what did your friend Jasmine mean when she said ‘your girlfriend’?”

My stomach felt like I was on a roller coaster that had just dropped.

The conversation she was talking about was between me and my friend Jasmine from school. Every other Monday my mom is off of work; this Monday was her off day. She picked me up from school and took me to McDonald’s. I saw a couple of my friends there and Jasmine was the only one to come up to me. We had a conversation that struggled with some silent spots. Finally, she struck conversation gold. She asked me about my girlfriend. Tomorrow was Valentine’s and Jasmine wanted to know what I was doing. While in the midst of me blushing I realized her volume of voice could reach my mom’s ears as she stood in the back of the line. I quickly put my arm up to block my face from being shown to my mom.

“Bro, shhhhhh!”

“What?”

“My mom doesn’t know about her.” I snapped quickly

“Oh my bad bro.”

Silent prayers were said in my mind on then car ride home. Trying to act normal, too normal, I feel like the gay guilt was oozing out of me.

I tried to play dumb as if I forgot all the outting components of me and Jasmine’s conversation.

“What she say?”

“She said something about a girlfriend.”

I looked down and realized the bible sitting next to my mom and I’d realized she had been reading it before confronting me. I tried lying. It didn’t work and she saw through it. She poked little mom shaped holes in all of them. I began fumbling on my words, losing my train of thought because the truth wanted to come out. Sweat started to collect on my hairline from an argument happening within. My conscience and I arguing on if this is the time to let my mom know about my life, about how I am not the daughter she wants.

“Mom I want to tell you the truth. I just can’t though.”

“Tayah, why can’t you? I’m your mom you can tell me anything.”

Tears running down my face off of my chin. My vision becoming blurred because of the tears. I thank God to this day I couldn’t fully make out the expression she had on her face. I sat on her bed playing with a string on my pajama shorts. My mom went to the bathroom to get me some tissue to wipe my face. While she was gone my self conflict had come to a conclusion. I decided to tell her.

“Mom I’m going to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“Tell you the truth. I was going to tell a while from now but now I have no choice.”

“Tay what are you talking about?”

“ You’re going to be mad at me, you’re not gonna love me anymore!”

Tears streaming down my face.

“ I won’t hate you’re my daughter.” Her voice trying to be soothing but truly showing her true emotion of anxiety.

“I like girls.” My voice breaking, the words hardly coming out.

“What do you mean you like girls?”

“I mean that I like girls. And the girlfriend Jasmine was talking about is true. I’m sorry I lied to you I just don’t want you to hate me.”

“Do you know what being gay will do to you? You let these gay girls drag you into something you don’t even know anything about!”

Her rage started to escape her calm exterior.

“Being gay is nothing you want to do or be proud of! Being gay is an abomination to God!”

Hearing that distraught me.

That whole night I cried, I couldn’t think straight. I worried about losing my girlfriend, worried about my mom not loving me, my family not loving me.

My act was up. I slept for about an hour that night. All I could wish was that I could knock on her door like the night before, I wished this didn’t happen. I learned that lying to my family will only hurt them. My eyes were opened to how religion left her judgement cloudy, how her upbringing left me feeling like my sexuality had no place in my life.

It was my time to be true to myself. It was upsetting to hurt my mom’s feelings that night but I could not keep that act up.

Comments (8)

David Forgrave

The backstory, reflection, and anecdote were amazing a flowed really nicely throughout the story. The three things blended well in the writing. I was happy you had the courage to tell your mom. It also made me think about what happened afterward and what has changed since then.

Ari Burstein

I thought you did a really great job setting up the story and building suspense. I liked how you flashed back to the conversation with Jasmine at the McDonald's. You did well by incorporating backstory, anecdote, and reflection when they were necessary. You used a lot of descriptive language which highlighted your emotions and painted a picture of what was happening.

Brooklin Johnson-Coles

Tayah, I loved your story, it was very moving. Especially you beginning the story with that very first conversation (when you didn't know what you were going to be asked) and then explaining what happened. It was easy to put the pieces together and then get very connected to your emotions. Your anecdote was very moving, I could feel your exact emotions and even began to feel for you. In addition, I loved how you did your reflection, it was from your point of view and it showed how you would go on to live your life.

Alicia-Noor Kreidie

I think that you did such a good job at putting the reflection and backstory in your writing. This writing definitely made the reader feel something and you could really feel the emotion in this writing.

Alicia-Noor Kreidie

Iman Ahmed

Such an amazing story, I loved how you built the tension up gradually, your story structure was very sturdy and you had a balanced amount of snapshot, thoughtshot, and dialogue in your story. Nice work!

Michal Czapla

The description of how distraught and depressed you were the night that you came out to your mom moved me because I never experienced that feeling of your parent having that much disappointment in you, so it made me sort of share the feeling. YOu used backstory to talk about you and Jasmine's situation and how you've kept it under wraps. The anecdotes showed moments in the texts where your mom got clues to you liking girls, but didn't figure out until the climax when you confessed to her. The reflection in the story was at the end of the story when, after all of the tears, you realized that your mom can't be the one holding back your true self. No one can.

Preston Tieu

I really liked how backstory, reflection, and anecdote flowed so nicely in your writing. It was really good that you were able to blend all three of these components into your writing. It moved me how you had the courage to tell your mom. I really liked that you left me thinking about what happened after that night and if anything has changed since then.