Obsidian - Dylan, Neif, Eleanor & Kyla

English Benchmark Q2 - Dylan Parchman, Neif Graham, Eleanor Palmer & Kyla Poe

Comments (11)

Zarin Subah (Student 2025)
Zarin Subah

I loved how you guys used the first person to make the readers understand each of your characters' points of view. I liked how Dylan used TM to show company and did it repeatedly. I liked how it shows technology can take over the world and that we all are connected to technology in one way or another.

Luan Quy (Student 2025)
Luan Quy

I like how the first story really felt like a company ad with the sentence lengths and repetition of certain words. Although I could have already guessed how the story would go, I could feel like how the characters were feeling at some moments with the descriptions. I could really see that the message is like how AI and Technology will evolve and develop to a point where it can and will take over us.

Jaden Williams (Student 2025)
Jaden Williams

I love the story, each part brings something new to the table, with fun new characters and life within the story. I like how the first part was about how the introduction to the rest of the story by explaining the AI. One thing that was kind of off was the grammar in some of the parts, though it was still good, I like how you pulled the emotional strings of the audience from the characters. The human trait I go from this was our need for acceptance, I mainly got this from the Viper part of the story.

Carla Luna-Flores (Student 2025)
Carla Luna-Flores

i really enjoy how much detail the first part goes into about what obsidian does as a company, "We can monitor your heart rate, your blood,oxygen level, and even eye tracking technology to see what you enjoy looking at what excites you and what you were afraid of" reading all these things listed out was scary/overwhelming to think about ( which I believe the objective was). good job you guys!

Gabrielle Harris (Student 2025)
Gabrielle Harris

This was a really good story, but it felt a little rushed at the end. with the techniques for the beginning i could definity tell that you tried to make it like an ad for the business as well as how alexa would work when you buy her for the first time and she goes through all the assessments. For an emotional story for me wasn't there. For me straight from the gate i could tell what was gonna happen from the story and from there but when the people go kidnapped i did feel mad about how there wasn't much fight back and the people didn't really do anything. I could definitely tell that that the theme/message was that with how me use technology humans will stray away from being actually human and that AI will take over humanity. overall it was a good story, the pacing was a bit fast for me but over all i liked the story

Sophia Zawislak (Student 2025)
Sophia Zawislak

I love how the first part was in the second person! I had never read a story in the second person and it was really cool to read one like that! It's clear to me that you did that to have a robot effect! I got really hooked when Anothony said his name is Viper now. The message I got from this story is that technology is a parasite and humans will be hooked to it.

Ezra Goldenberg (Student 2025)
Ezra Goldenberg

I loved the idea, especially surrounding the robotic employees. The part that I thought was the coolest was how easy it seemed for the AI to crush the entire world. Another detail that caught my eye was how quickly the people abandoned their movement when offered a job.

Tahseen Ayesh (Student 2025)
Tahseen Ayesh

I really liked how creative the plot was. Not a lot of other groups had done something relating to technology, I also really appreciate how much effort you guys put into the story which is indicated by the 29 pages

Evan Hurdle-Yoder (Student 2025)
Evan Hurdle-Yoder

I love that the story is based around technology and big corporations that can take over the world. It gives the reader a sense of how life is now with technology knowing everything about everyone and how quick we are evolving in medical and technology fields.