Hey Einstein, Sorry I Broke Your Theory!

Ah, well, um this isn’t a problem isn’t it? The crash landing lights are on; lovely, this is just great. And I was supposed to go to Annie’s wedding tonight, wasn’t I? I have a time machine, I can just go back to her wedding. I actually don’t need to worry about that. This is just smashing. Brilliant. I’ll have to tell my advisor that this was a great research project. Oh… My… God… Well, let’s see where we are? Welcome To Jamestown, Virginia, established 1607.  I’m really back in the past, aren’t I? That kid can’t be more than 10 and she’s got a hoop skirt on. I really hope that kid doesn’t see me. What am I supposed to tell her, I’m some alien space man from the future. Great.

I can’t just walk up to that girl and ask her what year it is. I have a t shirt on that says there’s no place like 127.0.0.1 and cargo shorts. People at home don’t get that joke, a kid who lived before computers certainly won’t. I couldn’t even pretend to be from this time period and just what I need is for some little kid running back into town being like “Mommy, there’s some weird guy in the woods with a shiny thing and I don’t know what it does and he has weird clothes and talks funny!”

Well, the circuit board is still functional, no electricity fried it so I should be able to get the computer back up and running. Everything else looks fine, it was just a computer malfunction. So if I can get the computer up and running, then it should be fine. The only problem is that I have one shot and if I fry the circuit board then I’m stuck. And wouldn’t that be smashing? If I connect the red wire to the positive contact I should be able to get the electrons to flow through the conductive wire and then if should… (connects wire) No, that doesn’t work. At least I didn’t fry the circuits.

(drops phone) My phone! I should keep that in my pocket, I don’t need them seeing an iPhone. Wait….. My phone has a signal… Why do I have a signal? That’s strange… and the date is still the same on the phone. The time zone chart says that its May 3, 1830 here, but it says that its April 20, 2080 in Tokyo.

I broke the quantum fields. The time machine tore the fabric of time and space… and… now the US is stuck in 1830 while the rest of the world advances. Hey Einstein, sorry I broke your theory of general relativity. I swear to god, if I make it back I want my Nobel Prize in physics. I figured out how to tear the very fabric of the universe. I broke the space time continuum.

At least it’ll be a good story to tell at the conference next week. Hey guys, guess what the post docs at Cornell do? We build a time machine and then tear the space time continuum and get stuck in colonial Virginia. Good advertising to get some grant money there, Cornell puts your money into almost destroying the universe. Key word being almost.  

Alright, so if I connect the blue wire to the red contact and the green wire to the orange contact then the positive and negative charges should….. Shoot, I fried the circuit board.