Confessions of a Jailbird

Everyone gets a thrill out of something, for some its running, for others its school, for me it’s doing things I’m not supposed too. Ever since I was in kinder garden I had a soft spot for being bad, for getting into as much trouble as I possibly could. I liked the feeling of being the most bad, I changed my language with each bad girl move I made having everyone gossip about how “out of control” I was. I was the first too kiss, the first to smoke, and the first to get arrested.  

It was Memorial Day weekend, my last few weeks at Germantown Friends School, the long weekend was perfect, I had a week of exams coming up and I just wanted a break. On Saturday afternoon my mom and I decided to go to the mall.  She went with her friend from out of the country, so while my mom was showing her all the stores that I hated, I asked to go to another store, and walk around for a little, she agreed and we made our separate ways. Leaving my mom was the biggest mistake of my life, I had a problem, I was a kleptomaniac, I couldn’t walk into a store without stealing something, I got away with jewelry, makeup and even shoes. The first store I went into was Saks 5^th avenue, I took a look around found some things I liked, and snatched them. The adrenaline I had when walking out a store without the alarm going off, made me feel like the greatest person alive. The next store on my hit list was Neiman Marcus, little did I know it would be the last of my shop lifting days. I was feeling lucky and went straight to the shoe department. I found the pair I wanted I slipped them on my feet and walked out the store, no alarm no nothing, until out of no where two men and one woman ran at me, they took me into the back of the mall. I didn’t know what was going to happen

            “I swear I didn’t mean to take them, I swear” I said behind all the tears

“Please whatever you do don’t arrest me, I’ll never do it again” I screamed behind tears as I dug my nails as hard into my skin as I possibly could, thinking it would take the pain away, at that moment I wished I could have taken it all back, and just be with my mom. I knew she was worrying they took my phone from me, they took everything.

“Stop crying, it’s not worth anything, you’re not getting out of this” the tall man looked mad. I wanted to change his mind so bad, just let me free. He looked me in the eye, and let out a sly smile, not in a mean way just in a “I feel bad for her” kind of way.  I felt alone, it was honestly the first time I felt as though no one was there for me, my father didn’t know what was happening and neither did my mother, nor did my friends, only I did and the scary men that watched me.

“You’ll be in the cell for six to eight hours” The cop had a rather horse voice, it didn’t make me feel comfortable, but then again I had no merit to feel comfortable I didn’t deserve any comfort, I was going to jail not candy land.  In the back of the cop car I tried to slide the handcuffs off my arm but it didn’t work. When I got to the jail cell they put me in a room, one wooden bench and a bottle of water… nothing else.

“PLEASE LET ME GO PLEASE”

“Shut up, stop crying” the cops laughed at me, as if it were some sort of joke, as if I were a clown or something

“It’s your own fault you’re in here”

I couldn’t speak , my voice was clogged my head was throbbing considering I had been crying for 4 straight hours, it was too much I couldn’t handle it.  All I wanted was my mom, I wanted her hugs and her love, I couldn’t wait for it, I wanted my cell phone I wanted a large piece of greasy pizza, I wanted to be with my friends laughing talking in my most annoying Miley Cyrus voice.  But I was in jail that’s where I was, I was stuck no way of getting out, at least not for another 5 hours.

“All I want is my mommy that’s all I want” I kept repeating to myself quietly, I didn’t want to look crazy by talking to myself but I couldn’t help it the words just kept spitting out, I could barley understand what I was saying to myself behind all the tears.

“Taylor, your mothers here, you’re free too go” The cop didn’t have any emotion in his voice, this was the scariest moment for me, having to see my mother, when she saw me she ran up and hugged me, she didn’t look angry or mad she looked sad, I had broken her heart. In the car it was quiet, I tried to let out a laugh but it didn’t work.

“I’m really hungry can we go to McDonalds” I said, I couldn’t cry anymore my voice was just sad, empty to say the least.

“No, I have to drive you too your father immediately” My mother said, her voice sounded as if she was about to cry.

“I tried to hide it from him, but there was no way I could” She said to me after a long awkward silence. That night my dad was staying at the Ronald McDonald house, doing an overnight volunteer shift.  When I got there my dad came out to let us in.

“Did they put you in handcuffs” The first thing he said to me, I looked at him solemnly and nodded my head yes, his voice wasn’t angry either much like my mothers he sounded really sad. He hugged me tight, and sent me up to his room, he brought me cake and cereal and put the t.v on and told me to wait there. While in there I checked my phone, I had about 30 missed calls. Both my parents made me promise not tell a soul, it was something they wanted kept as a deep secret.

This changed me forever, it changed the way I acted and who I was, which resulted in a change of language, the way I spoke and acted like the nothing ever mattered changed, I started too care, I dropped the bad girl language and moved on too a more mature settled language, never would I want to relive