Advanced Essay #3:

The goal of this essay was to explore the relationship between people with mental illnesses and their identities. I am proud of using my scene of memory to attempt to explain an issue that can be difficult to talk about. I think that one area I could work further on would be the overall flow of my paper.

Matthew Milligan

Mr. Block

English 3

9 March 2018

Identity is the accumulation of one’s characteristics. Each individual part of a person blends together to make up the larger self, so in order to establish an identity it is important for one to be aware of the aspects of themself. However, when a person has a mental illness, their own self can seem like a stranger. People with mental illnesses can struggle with forming an identity outside of their illness, but regardless of that they do have one. It is harder for this to be understood though because there is a tendency in society to place stigma upon those with mental illnesses.

Having a mental illness makes forming an identity confusing. Madeline Wikerson explains this in her article Mental Illness and Identity by saying, “For example, I don’t know if I’m naturally a borderline pessimist/realist or if that’s due to my depression. I don’t know if I’m naturally a worrier or if that’s just my anxiety. I don’t know if I care a lot about what people think or if I wouldn’t care at all if I were to be cured of my illnesses.” Having a mental illness changes the ways in which a person perceives themselves and others. People with mental illnesses have intrusive and irrational thoughts that overpower reason. These thoughts are hard to silence and wind up making it difficult for a person to comprehend who they are. For many people like Madeline it is hard to tell where the illness stops and where the person begins.

Even though mental illnesses make it harder for somebody to understand the characteristics of themselves, that does not mean that those characteristics do not exist. In the article When You Struggle to See Your Identity Apart From Your Mental Illness, Anna Lente writes, “I see my identity includes having mental illnesses, but I am much more than that. And I remind myself that I change. My identity changes over time. My experience of mental illnesses changes.” When a person has a mental illness, it cannot be denied that there is an affect on who they are. However, the effect does not determine all that they are. No one person is defined by a singular characteristic, and a person with a mental illness still continues to grow regardless of the impact that their illness has on them.

Besides the internal problems caused by having a mental illness, people with mental illnesses are also affected by the stigma placed upon them by society. Melissa Kirk explains this in her article Who Am I? Self-Identity and Mental Health by saying, “If you're ‘mentally ill’ (read: if you often struggle with emotional experiences that are uncomfortable and you choose to be honest about it), that is you, you are it, and everything else about you is suspect.” When a person has a mental illness they can be placed within a box where none of their other characteristics matter.  Despite having multiple thoughts and emotions, people will continue to see only the label they gave.

Mental illness is a complex issue that people look at in a simple way because they do not understand it or because it makes them uncomfortable.  Instead of looking at the problem as a whole and figuring it out, it is easier to give a person with a mental illness a label and choose to see only that label. This diminishes the person with the mental illness and keeps them from being seen as a whole. Many people with mental illnesses fear this judgement and try to keep their struggles hidden because of it, which only adds on to the issue.

While each person is impacted by their mental illnesses differently, I have experienced firsthand how having one can affect your identity daily. When you live with anxiety, it never fully leaves you. Even when I find myself relaxing or having fun, there is still a voice in my head casting doubt my way. Sometimes the voice is screaming and overriding my thoughts, while at other times it is a whisper that I can ignore if I try hard enough.  Everyday is a battle of ups and downs.

The times where I commute to school are usually when it’s at its worse. I hop off of  the train and find myself faced with the station platform, which seems to stretch outward into infinity. I know in reality that the walk from the platform to the trolley stairs is brief, but when I start to worry time slows down and warps itself. As I walk I listen to music, which is supposed to be a lifeline, but my heart is beating too fast and I am breathing heavily. My face flushes and it feels like the eyes of every commuter are on me and I have to keep reassuring myself that they are not.

My breath shortens as my mind begins to race like a flooding dam. All I can think about is how stupid I must look, or if my school bag zipper is open even though I have checked it three times already. My palms are sweaty and I am nervous for school because I got the answer wrong in class yesterday so now everyone knows I am dumb. I bite my lip as my thoughts pick up and the next thing I know I am reduced to a fidgeting zombie and I am imprisoned by my own thoughts. I feel my body go on autopilot as my mind is taken away from me.

That is what anxiety feels like. You no longer own your thoughts as they are taken away by an illogical voice that will not shut up. When I get like this, it is hard to understand my thoughts and emotions and it can be difficult to know who I am. When my anxiety gets the best of me I know that I just have to continue going through the motions until I can find myself again. I know that that self exists.

Works Cited

“Mental Illness And Identity.” The Odyssey Online, www.theodysseyonline.com/mental-illness-and-identity. Accessed 8 Mar. 2018.

“When You Struggle to See Your Identity Apart From Your Mental Illness.” The Mighty, themighty.com/. Accessed 8 Mar. 2018.

“Who Am I? Self-Identity and Mental Health.” Psychology Today, www.psychologytoday.com/blog/test-case/201012/who-am-i-self-identity-and-mental-health. Accessed 8 Mar. 2018.