Dear God - XTC https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p554R-Jq43A

In chapter 30 Offred says a big prayer where she’s pleading to God to make life better, to bring everything back to normal. It’s pretty understood throughout the text that Offred doesn’t have a strong relationship with God or religion even though she’s being forced into it by society. On page 195 she says, “I feel unreal, talking to you. You like this. I feel as if I’m talking to a wall… Oh God. It’s no joke. Oh God oh God. How can I keep on living?” Offred’s prayer reminded me of multiple lines in “Dear God”. The song begins by saying, “Dear God, sorry to disturb you, but - I feel that I should be heard loud and clear -We all need a big reduction in the amount of tears” and then as it continues it says “Dear God, I can’t believe in-I don’t believe in-”. Both the song and Offred are telling God that the world is in danger, and even though they don’t seem to have a huge relationship with religion they need something to believe in. The one thing that’s keeping Offred together is hope, hope that one day everything will get better, that maybe she will find Luke and her daughter, and that her life can return to the way it was supposed to be.

Dress - Taylor Swift https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNEoPctNIUE “Our secret moments in a crowded room - They got no idea about me and you”. This song is about a secret relationship and making the most of the moments they have together. This can be representative of Offred’s relationship with Nick. Nick is the only guardian Offred refers to by name, implying that the two have a relationship beyond what Offred is telling readers. Readers are aware that they have an attraction to each other though, because on page 98 the two run into each other and she says, “He puts his hand on my arm, pulls me against him, his mouth on mine, what else comes from such denial? Without a word.” The kiss was out of nowhere and shocked readers, especially since afterward Nick tells Offred the commander wants to meet her. “Dress” is a great representation of the small thrill that comes from a secret relationship, knowing that everything could go wrong but taking advantage of the moments anyway.

But Not Kiss - Faye Webster https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cIe5OSj8d4 “I want to see you in my dreams, but then forget - we’re meant to be, but not yet - you’re all that I have, but can’t get”. This is a song about longing for something you once had and how you hope it makes a return to your life, but at the same time you know it’s not possible. Offred experiences this feeling often, especially when she is reminiscing about people of her past. Luke in particular is someone she reflects on often when we get flashbacks to life pre-Gilead. On page 200 Offred says something similar to what Faye Webster talks about in the song. “I’d like to have Luke here…so I could have a fight with him… These days I script whole fights, in my head, and the reconciliations afterward too.” She imagines these things because she knows her relationship with Luke is no longer feasible and she doesn’t know where he is, but she still wishes she could be with him.

I Know The End - Phoebe Bridgers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZC6mEJ5i5y8 “I Know The End” is very representative of “The Handmaid’s Tale” as a whole. This song is about losing hope and leaving your past behind. The song starts off by saying, “Close my eyes and fantasize - three clicks and I’m home”. This reminds me of when Offred is imagining her past life when she goes to sleep, on page 37 she says, “But the night is my time out. Where should I go? Somewhere good.” Then she continues to tell readers flashbacks of her previous life and these flashbacks are what give her normalcy and hope. But as the song and the book progresses we see this hope fade away. “I turned around, there was nothing there - Yeah I guess the end is here.” For example, Moira was a big sign of hope but in chapter 37 Offred finds Moria at the hotel. The two reconnect and Moira tells the story about how she had almost escaped and gotten out of Gilead. Unfortunately, Moira ended up at the hotel seemingly stuck. Then on page 250, Offred says, “I’d like to tell a story about how Moira escaped, for good this time…But as far as I know, that didn’t happen…because I never saw her again. With this, it looks like Offred’s hope is gone, because if Moria couldn’t make it out how could she?

hope ur ok - Olivia Rodrigo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLlsmB1D4Q0 “His parents cared more about the Bible - Than being good to their own child” This song is about parents not being accepting of their child because they do not want a “traditional relationship” which is very similar to Gilead and how they treat their citizens. Gilead strongly believes in “traditional marriage” and it’s a big theme throughout the book. However, traditional marriage in Gilead isn’t at all similar to how it’s viewed in the real world. Gilead uses the bible to explain the use of the handmaids as a part of a three-person marriage, so that way they can have children. At the beginning of the book, Atwood leaves a quote from Genesis 30:1-3 that reads “Behold my maid Bilhah, go in unto her; and she shall bare upon my knees, that I may also have children by her.” The government has forced its non-sterile women to do this simply because it’s in the bible. They don’t care about the well-being of the women because they care more about living in the “traditional” way, just as the parents do in “hope ur ok”.

Soon after Offred and the Commander’s affair begins, she asks him for hand lotion to use as a substitute for her typical moisturizer of butter. She and the other Handmaids must use butter to keep their skin from being dry, as lotion is banned by the Wives. “Dry? the Commander said, as if he’d never thought about that before.” (158) He then calls the substitution “very clever” and laughs to himself. When reading, I immediately related this to countless exchanges in my own life where men have been dismissive of my struggles. Men could never understand many of the problems women face because they will never experience them, which makes it difficult to explain how they make me feel. My own experience with this has consisted less of specific moments and more of a behavioral pattern I have noticed. Men in my life have no problem interrupting me or talking down to me in ways they would never do with other men. Our society sees women as objects, which makes it easy to discount our feelings. It is rare that I feel taken seriously by men. I have been shut down trying to talk about politics with family members, being told I don’t know what I’m talking about. Experiences like that one are common and, at some point, make me not want to speak at all.

Offred finishes her explanation by telling him, “Jesus Christ, you ought to know.” She then thinks, “My voice was angrier than I’d intended, but he didn’t even wince.” (159) Her initial frustration over his dismissal of her struggle is inflated because he is now also dismissing her anger. His reaction, or lack thereof, reveals how little respect he has for her, how little she matters to him. Because he already didn’t grasp her original request for lotion, her anger simply seems like an overreaction of a sensitive little girl. He cannot take her anger seriously. Throughout this scene, I could notice Offred getting angrier and angrier with each snide comment, growing closer to her breaking point. As the reader, I felt that same anger, especially having experienced similar interactions myself. Offred then snaps at the Commander, yelling at him, listing all the items that the Handmaids are forbidden from having. Women are often viewed as sensitive because we tend to blow up at small comments. In reality, it is because we are so fed up with the repeated behavior that we can’t take it anymore. Femininity is intertwined with sensitivity, and sensitivity is perceived as weakness. I often find myself holding onto my stress, only to let it out at one small mistake I make or small interaction I have with someone. I’m not truly that upset over one thing, I just was bottling up my anxiety until that point. With Offred, her inner thoughts reveal how she felt from the beginning, but over and over, she stayed silent, despite the Commander’s irritating ignorance. Only when she could not hold it in anymore, her anger spilled over and she snapped. Women are conditioned to be silent and meek, so it is common for anger or other emotions to build up until we can’t hold them in anymore.

This book serves as a metaphor for our society, so it’s easy to draw comparisons to my own life. This specific scene stuck out to me because it was such a small moment, but her reaction throughout really resonated with me. It sets something off in me, the same feeling I get when I notice this happening to me. The constant feeling of being patronized is something every woman experiences daily, but I think it’s something men might not even notice they are doing. Gilead is such a foreign concept to me, but moments like this allow me to relate to Offred experiences and connect with her.

Songs of Choice

Nightmare - Halsey

The song “Nightmare” by Halsey was made in 2019 in response to the start of abortion bans. The song fits a lot of topics into 3 minutes. I thought about the concept of “Mayday” and how these topics relate to why they’re a thing. In the beginning, Halsey starts off with a bedtime prayer to pray for the sins she’s about to commit in the song. “I’ve been polite but won’t be caught dead.” a line from the song reminds me of how Offred has to keep up this version of herself and basically transform into another person while being a handmaid. While the lyrics may not relate to “Mayday” I think the angry-frustrusrated tone of the song does. I think one of the reasons why Mayday was created was the pent-up anger of following the rules and being in Gilead.

Mother’s Daughter - Miley Cyrus

“Mother’s Daughter” by Miley Cyrus is about Cyrus’ experience growing up with a mother who is a feminist and making her mother proud by continuing that legacy. In the book we get introduced to Offred’s mother through memories of Offred’s childhood and how her mother was a feminist who went to marches and fought on the front lines for women empowerment. While the song and book relate, they talk about different feelings. Offred didn’t like her mom’s work as they would argue a lot but in the song, Cyrus talks about feeling proud to take on that feminist role after her mother.

All Night - Beyonce

Throughout the book we see the relationship between Serena and the Commander, and how love doesn’t seem to be a priority. As it was referenced in the book it seems more of a job, something they have to do to keep the roles of Gilead in order. Although we don’t know much about Serena and Fred’s relationship before Gilead it’s safe to assume that they have been together for a long time. During the ceremony, Serena is almost always visibly uncomfortable and even though it may not be cheating according to Gilead Offred refers to herself as the Commander’s mistress. In the song, Beyonce expresses the hurt and forgiveness she feels when her husband cheated on her singing, “So many people that I know, they just tryna touch ya. — Give you some time to prove that I can trust you again.”. When trust in a relationship is broken it could be hard to regain and it seems as if Serena is having a hard time controlling her emotions because technically she can’t be upset if these are the rules and Offred is doing her job.

Consideration - Rihanna & SZA

We see the relationship between Offred and the Commander progress since Chapter 23 when he asks her to meet in his office for the first time. While listening to this song Rihanna and SZA sing the line “Let me cover your shit in glitter, I could make it gold” and I think this line does a good job of representing the obliviousness of the Commander when Offred tells him that the handmaids use butter as lotion. Using glitter to make something look better than it is, the Commander doesn’t know how bad it really is for the handmaids even though he helped put this system in place. “I needed you to please give my reflection a break. From the faces, it’s seeing now.” in this line Rihanna talks about her reflection and how she’s had to maintain an image, one that she wants to get rid of, which reminded me of how there are no mirrors in the bathrooms so the handmaids can’t see themselves and how Offred has shed the image of her old self from the “before times” into who we now know as Offred.

Love - Kendrick Lamar & Zacari

The theme of Love comes up in the book a few times as something that is non-existent and that’s not useful for the Hanmaid’s purpose. This song is all about love and what Gilead lacks according to Ofrred In chapter 33 on page 220 Aunt Lydia tells the girls “Love is not the point” in the red center. After the Commander asks Offred what Gilead lacks Offred responds with “Love” and the idea of falling in love. I also noticed that Serena and the Commander don’t seem to have a loving relationship as the Commander told Offred “Arranged marriages have always worked you just as well, if not better.” (220). The lyrics of the song “If I minimized my worth, would you still love me?” made me think of Serena and how she aligned and still aligns with the views of Gilead but now that the rules of Gilead have had an effect on her she might be changing her mind. She has to have her image minimized as a “Commander’s Wife” where her status is high but her power is limited.

Reading the Handmaid’s Tale, we see the life of Offred and the few handmaid’s Offred references that live an exterminated life. This book has taken the idea of dystopian and made it a living hell for women quite literally having them be forced to act upon men’s will. With no questions asked there is nothing but submission to men in this world and they look to have no wonderful escape in this book. But the thing I often pick up from the book is the killing of many ideas, people, things and life before Gilead. A quote I want to bring up is from Chapter 22, pg. 133, that talks about power and that being stripped away. It reads.“Moira had power now, she’d been set loose, she’d set herself loose. She was now a loose woman.” It kills the thought and idea of something so small such as maybe wearing your skirt to a certain length or even saying something makes for Gilead to kill it. It’s hard to call this a society when things are running on questionable morals and ethics that you don’t believe in not one bit. The apparent reason we see Offred often going to the past and referencing her old life is because it was when she was alive and had fulfillment for the things she believed in. The visions of her are wiped clean when the power is gone and the republic you reside in is like plastic. No fate is a conspiracy, neither is there speculation for the people who may have killed the dream of the woman of Gilead.

Which is why I take note of the sanity of Offred, and I see a lot of parallels with me and her throughout chapters. I can see a fight for the system just like Offred can see but it’s promptly killed as the conscious thoughts of the society we live in take over. I need to be a better writer and learner but the things that stop me are the “smarter people” than me but I know I can just as or better than them. Which is why I feel I ask the question “Can you be?” I don’t know what that requires of me but the quest to let go of these voids consume me and I can’t seem to let them go as positive thoughts are killed very quickly. It often ends up with me going back to the glorious past and looking at the “good” times and it’s so hard because things were sunshine and rainbows as the material was simply easier. But the horizon of being better than I was years ago often leaves me jetlagged or having to recuperate. Even as the hard times pile up I think to the quote “I have failed once again to fulfill the expectations of others, which have become my own.” from Chapter 13, pg. 73, which touches on both of our struggles. Even though I’m not in a dystopian society run by men, it hurts to see someone stuck in their own head even as the life they need is a little distant. But the remedy is the peace in which the chaos of our own doubts brings, its beauty in the madness as in the end it will be rewarding. The quotes also bring up people who have expectations, but delivering is the thing you bring on your own even as other people expect them to be fulfilled just like you did. Who do you put the blame on when the people also put the blame on you and you’re right back to where you started which is in your own head? Looking at Gilead and reality, it’s a blame game and in the end you want to just go away for a little while. A quote about ending it all for good in Gilead touches on this as it reads “That was one of the things they do. They force you to kill, within yourself.” The dream is killed first and then with that the soul goes away with it as it just becomes too much to handle. The people in my life have great expectations for me and to deliver such expectations we have to force many things in order to get where we want. The expectation becomes both of our problems and once it’s forced it takes a toll on you as you want to succeed more than ever.

But even as this crazy feeling takes attachment to you have to not be afraid. This quote touches on this “Better never means better for everyone, he says. It always means worse for some.” from Chapter 32, pg. 211. The things you experience or go through are often not forever and could be worse, even as there is no hope. Think about the past but don’t get stuck in it as it will take over you. But just know that there will be good times even in times of Horor…

Throughout the novel The Handmaid’s Tale there have been many themes of memories and how this can affect her present suffering and future. Offred the main character has been shown to be focusing on these happy memories but then relating it back to the present and where she is, what she has, and how this is impacting her emotional state. In chapter 35 she references the feeling of feeling erased and forgotten after seeing a picture of her daughter, that was brought by Serena Joy. The part of this section that resonates with me is the feeling that my birth mother could have gotten a picture of me and felt the same way. She gave up her child and I don’t know much about her. Slowly the thoughts of her have been going away. But the same goes for me. I have one single picture of my birth mother, one memory, one thought. But I know nothing more. The feeling of not knowing whether she remembers me feels bad, not wanting to be forgotten or erased. I want to be remembered for something she used to care about. Offred shared that she knows her daughter knows her mother isn’t there but she has been erased from this narrative. On page 228 she shares, “You can see it in her eyes: I am not there. But she exists, in her white dress. She grows and lives. Isn’t that a good thing? A blessing? Still, I can’t bear it, to have been erased like that. Better she’d brought me nothing.” Offred feels pain after being shown this photo. Clearly she sees her daughter growing up in a world without her in it. I am growing up in a world where I don’t see my birth mother either. She has given me away to some other lady but who I now call my mother.

Offred often speaks about how she wants to go back to how things were back then and how everything was generally better back then. She would wish everyday that when she’d go to bed that she’d wake up in her own house and everything would be back to the way it was. On page 199 she explains, “Every Morning when I go to bed I think, In the morning I will wake up in my own house and things will be back to the way they were.” Having these types of thoughts after some change in your life is not uncommon. I know when I was younger I would wish that things could change quickly. I have been separated from my mom twice when I was younger, not for long but around ten days. I remember missing her so much no matter the situation I was in I wanted to be at home with her. All I felt was sad. I wanted things to go back to how they were before I wasn’t with her then. I understand the feeling of wanting for things to go back to the way they were, especially if life was just really good back then and you were happy. The idea that resonates with me the most is how this is a constant thing everyday where she doesn’t want to be here and she wishes every night that she could just go back.

Throughout the novel of The Handmaid’s Tale there is a circling theme along with memories that speaks about having hope and then going into despair. Finding someone or something to give you hope but then realizing where you are and how life is going in the current moment. Currently she tries to sometimes escape from this world that she is in by going to her memories and past moments in life, which can be happy. To then relive these moments and forget about what is happening now in this new world and society. But then it’s this theme again where she pulls back from these memories and realizes she is back in this world of Gilead and nothing can take her back to this past world. For example again when she sees this picture of her daughter it can bring her back to the moments when she was with her and not in the moment where she is right now. When she lays in bed wishing she was back in her home before Gilead she can go back to the memories thinking about what life was like back then and how she felt when she was there back then. She had a family, a life. Now she is separated from them and can only think of them through the memories. The past memories are now contributing to her current suffering in this new world.

I have portrayed Offred looking in the mirror at Jezebel’s. In my drawing she is looking at herself in the mirror in the room’s bathroom. We don’t see the front of her face in this drawing, we only see what she sees in the mirror. She looks disheveled and pale, and her makeup is running, as she describes in the book. (insert quote). Her hair is all over the place and the lingerie she is wearing is falling off of her shoulders due to how ill fitting it is. I made the bodysuit super sparkly or glittery because Atwood describes the look of it in detail, and Offred mentions what she is wearing a few times throughout the night.

I also made the background of the drawing all blue or white. The blue represents the sadness that Offred feels. That is only my interpretation because her feelings are sometimes unclear in the writing, but when I read I get a general melancholy feeling from our narrator. The emotion might not be sadness, but could be insecurity or longing, which are sad feelings to me.

The items that are dark blue (the washcloth, the soap bar, and the clock) are all items that Offred does not have access to inn Gilead, or at least not clear access. She points out the bar of soap and the washcloth, but she does not say that there is a clock in the bathroom. I added the clock because the commander is waiting outside for her to finish freshening up. Time is also an interesting concept in Gilead. “Time here is measured by bells, as once in nunneries” (8). Even when she is away from Gilead, there is still someone expecting her, someone waiting for her arrival.

I wanted to draw this scene because I think it is one of the most important and unique scenes in the book so far. There are no mirrors in the bathroom in Gilead because they don’t want people to be able to look at themselves, avoiding vanity from anyone. This is the first time that Offred gets a good look at herself since “the time before.” All she can do when she looks in the mirror is see her flaws and imperfections. Her makeup is smudged, her clothes don’t fit right, she’s got stray hairs flying everywhere. Gilead has taught her to cover up her imperfections, and to completely hide them so that she appears as a perfect doll for men to play with.

This idea rings so true to my life and my feminine experience. The patriarchy has somehow drilled into my brain that if I don’t have a button nose, if I don’t have a flat stomach, etc. then I am not good enough, or that lacking those qualities makes me less feminine, or less of a woman. Saying that outright sounds sort of insane, or cliche, but those are real insecurities that I have felt. It doesn’t really matter how much I try to unlearn this way of thinking, it stays with me.

So now put yourself in Offred’s shoes– you are living in a world just like ours, where white men have more privilege than anyone else, and where your mother is protesting every other day to have basic human rights for women. Then suddenly, you are pushed into a world where you cannot own anything of your own, and all you really have is your body, and if it betrays you, you are ostracized and sent to basically be a slave in the Colonies. I would probably be pointing out my flaws too.

The Republic of Gilead from The Handmaid’s Tale is an incredibly religious state based on a Christian theocracy. Christianity, being the largest religion that has ever existed, has had a massive influence on artistic media since its dawn. Christian themes appear in ancient both and modern literature, it has inspired great painted works such as the Sistine Chapel Ceiling, The Last Supper, or Raphael’s Transfiguration, and it is hard to escape the ever prevalent grasp of Christian music. However, possibly the most foundational form of the religion’s art is the churches themselves. In olden times and even today, such buildings were always the tallest and most impressive structures in every town. For my piece of art, I have created a stained glass window, a prominent feature in many churches across the world. Often, stained glass windows depict a message or story, which made them the most interesting things to look at in the more boring churches I attended in my childhood. And this is actually the point of these windows, they are meant to educate people on the holy scriptures, even if they can’t read. That is why symbolism is very important for this form of art. Symbolism is also prominent in The Handmaid’s Tale, the most important example being the ever watchful eye of God. This is the highlight of my window, a winged eye looking down upon the rest of the piece, shrouded in brilliant light and encircled by a halo. A common greeting in Gilead is “Under His Eye” and heaven, where God resides, is most often pictured above us. This made the placement for the eye at the top of the window very obvious. The smaller ones’ placement are more of a personal choice. They are the Eyes of God, or just the Eyes for short. The reason I placed them above the cloud layer that separates the Heaven portion and the Earth portion of the window is because the official term in the book reminded me of Seraphs, the highest order of angels and thus the closest to God. Seraphs are most easily recognized by their numerous wings and eyes, while the symbol for the Eyes is a winged eye. Their alien nature, both the Seraphs and the Eyes, is very prevalent as the closer an angel is to God, the less human they look and the Eyes are simply inhumane in the most literal sense. This is why I pictured them in Heaven. Down on Earth however, you can see two wives and a newborn child. The scene being depicted is the Birth Day, in which a Handmaid gives birth to an infant that is claimed by her commanding wife. The child is surrounded by a radiance, similar to the one pictured around God, a good time to mention how important light is in Christian culture and why these windows are so symbolic. The similar lights here show the connection between the child and God, the child a gift from God. The infant is at the center due to the importance of its birth as fertility rates have plummeted in the Gileadean Era. Because fertility is so important, below it is a circular chapel window design, but depicting a uterus. The uterus is an important symbol in The Handmaid’s Tale since that’s the reason why there’s handmaids at all: fertility. Offred talks about the organ throughout the book, imagining herself as flesh packed around it. The Aunts cannot stress how important it is while also diminishing the women they belong to, setting a single piece of them as the core of their beings. All that remains is that procreative fragment. Around the Uterus is a variety of colors. Colors are a very important piece of symbolism in cathedral windows as well as The Handmaid’s Tale. For example, red represents fertility and so I feature it extensively throughout the window. There’s God’s eye, the cloth the infant is wrapped in, and of course the Uterus. The colors around the uterus represent the different classes of Gileadean society. Black for the Commanders and Angels who wear black and represent strength, blue for their wives as it is shown they can command the classes below them, green for Guardians and Marthas who both wear green uniforms, and the handmaids at the bottom. They are red because they are the most important, and the lowest because they possess the least power. In my window too, the handmaids are at the lowest point. Hidden by a dark curtain, they stand and kneel silently. They are not the focus. The child and God are. The red child stands out among the blue wives. It is not theirs. But the one it belongs to is not important enough.

Chapter 9 (page 51): Waterfalls (1) by James Quinn

“I was nervous. How was I to know he loved me? It might be just an affair. Why did we ever say just?… The knock would come at the door; I’d open, with relief, desire. He was so momentary, so condensed. And yet there seemed no end to him. We would lie in those afternoon beds, afterwards, hands on each other, talking it over. Possible, impossible. What could be done? We thought we had such problems. How were we to know we were happy?” In this portion of the book, Offred was reciting a memory she had with Luke, a memory about their love and relationship. Offred would typically reminisce about the past since that was all she had and something that couldn’t be taken from her. I would believe that she’s lonely and has this emptiness within her because of how little affection is shown in Gilead. In the song, “Waterfalls” by James Quinn, he captures this sort of sorrowful feeling in the notes he plays. But also captures the feeling of happy, nostalgic moments in life. The beginning of the song really captures when Offred says, “I was nervous. How was I to know he loved me? It might be just an affair. Why did we ever say just?… The knock would come at the door; I’d open, with relief, desire.” Just the fast-paced intro shows the number of thoughts spilling thoughts throughout Offred’s mind, contemplating her relationship with Luke, seeing if their relationship even meant anything to Luke. But as you continue to listen to the song, there comes a time when it quickens but slows down right after, representing the many ups and downs of Offred and Luke’s relationship. But also at the end of the quote, “We would lie in those afternoon beds, afterwards, hands on each other, talking it over. Possible, impossible. What could be done? We thought we had such problems. How were we to know we were happy?”

Chapter 12 (pages 63-64): Mia and Sebastian’s theme song (2) by Justin Hurwitz

“I step into the water, lie down, let it hold me. The water is soft as hands. I close my eyes, and she’s there with me, suddenly, without warning, it must be the smell of the soap. I put my face against the soft hair at the back of her neck and breathe her in, baby powder and child’s washed flesh and shampoo, with an undertone, the faint scent of urine. This is the age she is when I’m in the bath. She comes back to me at different ages. This is how I know she’s not really a ghost. If she were a ghost she would be the same age always… She fades, I can’t keep her here with me, she’s gone now. Maybe I do think of her as a ghost, the ghost of a dead girl, a little girl who died when she was five.” In this portion of the book, Offred is bathing herself. But as she bathes herself, she reveals to the readers that the smell of the soap reminds her of her daughter. Saying the little details that she remembered she had with her daughter, before being taken away from her. In the song “Mia and Sebastian’s Theme Song” by Justin Hurwitz, the song starts off slow and calming, this being the moment where Offred recognizes the smell. But as the song progresses, it becomes more aggressive and hard hitting, representing how much she thinks about her daughter, always coming back “at different ages” each time. Ending the song, it ends quite abruptly, like how Offred shamelessly adds that maybe her daughter is a ghost, the ghost of a dead girl, a little girl who died when she was five.”

Chapter 13 (pages 74-75): Jacob and the Stone (3) by Emile Mosseri

“I’m running, with her, holding her hand, pulling, dragging her through the bracken, she’s only half awake because of the pill I gave her, so she wouldn’t cry or say anything that would give us away, she doesn’t know where she is… I can hear the bells even, sleigh bells from the radio, old music, but through this window I can see, small but very clear, I can see her, going away from me, through the trees which are already turning, red and yellow, holding out her arms to me being carried away.” In this portion of the book, Offred is remembering when everything changed in her life––she gets separated from Luke, and her daughter gets stripped away from her. At this point Offred’s life was gonna change forever, all the pieces of her past life were ripped away from her. She was now just a normal woman in other people’s view, not a mother, not a wife, but just a handmaid. In the song, “Jacob and the Stone” by Emile Mosseri, it’s very angelic-like. It sounds as if you would enter heaven and the choir of angels starts playing for you as you walk through the gates. This dramatic piece just makes me imagine how this scene would play out; the music comes in, as Offred’s daughter is “holding out her arms to me being carried away.” I imagine that this scene is gonna be in slow motion to really capture the last moments she had with her daughter. Also, the little moments where Offred captures these hypersensitivities to the colors of the leaves and sounds around her, make me believe how tired she was from running, and how her paranoia made her imagine “sleigh bells from the radio, old music [playing]…”

Chapter 17 (page 98): Love (4) by Keyshia Cole

“He steps towards me. Nick. ‘What are you doing here in here?’ I don’t answer. He too is illegal, here, with me, he can’t give me away. Nor I him; for the moment we’re mirrors. He puts his hand on my arms, pulls me against him, his mouth on mine, what else comes from such denial? Without a word. Both of us shaking, how I’d like to…My hand goes down, how about that, I could unbutton, and then. But it’s too dangerous, he knows it, we push each other away not far. Too much trust, too much risk, too much already.” In this portion of the book, Offred wanted to press a flower under her mattress for another handmaid to possibly find, like how she found the Latin etching in her closet, “Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.” So she went into the sitting room to find a flower but felt another presence with her, which was Nick. Sensing the tension between Nick and Offred, Nick makes the first move and kisses her on the lips, and they stay there for a bit. Before pushing “each other away not far. Too much trust, too much risk, too much already.” It seems a spark had been lit between two dead flames. In the song, “Love” by Keyshia Cole, the lyrics, “Love, Never knew what I was missin’, But I knew once we start kissin’, I found, found you, Now you’re gone, what am I gonna do?” I feel that those lyrics just interpreted what happened in that sensual scene. “Love, Never knew what I was missin’,” made me think that Offred felt this sense of rebellion kissing someone that wasn’t Luke and just going against Gilead’s system. “But I knew once we start kissin’, I found, found you, Now you’re gone, what am I gonna do?” Since this kiss, there has always been this awkward tension between Offred and Nick when they cross paths, a tension of desire to continue what they stopped.

Chapter 24 (pages 146-147): Asleep among Endives (5) by Ichiko Aoba

“I stifle it in the folds of the hanging cloak, clench my eyes, from which tears are squeezing. Try to compose myself. After a while it passes, like an epileptic fit. Here I am in the closet. Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. I can’t see in the dark but I trace the tiny scratched writing with the ends of my fingers, as if it’s a code in Braille. It sounds in my head now less like a prayer, more like a command; but to do what? Useless to me in any case, an ancient hieroglyph to which the key’s been lost. Why did she write it, why did she bother? There’s no way out of here. I lie on the floor, breathing too fast, then slower, evening out my breathing, as in Exercises, for giving birth. All I can hear now is the sound of my own heart, opening and closing, opening and closing, opening.” In this portion of the book, Offred is exhausted from helping with the process of a handmaid, Janine, giving birth. So she goes back to her room to “… compose myself.” In the song, “Asleep among Endives” by Ichiko Aoba, the lyrics, “At the edge of the world, listen to the galaxy, A gentle breeze, a gentian shining on my ankles.” As Offred, lay “on the floor, breathing too fast, then slower, evening out my breathing…” makes me think that she is just trying to calm after the amount of adrenaline that was coursing through her. She lays on the floor as this calming song fits with the mood she’s feeling.

Music: (1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=io8w2qusfXw

(2) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3ovuBdbUqk

(3) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbm3Llu2114

(4) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZaotY2V3gY

(5) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aED02XuLwo

Falling By Harry Styles

The lines “What am I now? What am I now?” and “I get the feeling that you’ll never need me again” connect to the way Offred feels as a handmaid: useless. She isn’t needed for anything other than her womb, and if she can’t have a baby she’ll never be needed for anything. “I want to be valued in ways that I am not; I want to be more than valuable. I repeat my former name, remind myself of what I once could do, how others saw me.” (pg 97) She feels like her new name doesn’t represent who she truly is, and associates her former one with freedom and possibility. As someone who isn’t valued in Gilead, Offred feels invisible, but often mentions the people who truly aren’t talked about: the Unwomen. When they are sent off to the colonies, nobody speaks of them again. This idea relates to the line “What if I’m someone you won’t talk about?” She doesn’t want to end up in the Colonies because it means she’ll be forgotten.

Mind Over Matter By Young the Giant

This song makes me think of sitting in your room staring at a wall contemplating life, which is how Offred spends most of her time. On page 105 she asks, “Does he know I’m here, alive, that I’m thinking about him? I believe so.” She knows that she must have hope in order to make it through the situation she’s in. As the song says, “Mind over matter, does it matter to any of us?” Offred focuses on staying alive and holding onto hope, even though the odds of having a happy ending are not in her favor. She stays alive partially because she can’t kill herself and partially because she believes that Luke may come back into her life someday, somehow. Ordinarily, she wouldn’t think that way, she’d be more logical, but by putting mind over matter she pushes logic to the side in order to stay sane.

Out of my League By Fitz and The Tantrums

This song’s upbeat melody and quick tempo make it a good representation of the before times described by Offred, the times she had with Luke. The lyrics “Cause you were out of my league, all the things I believed, you were just the right kind, yeah you were more than just a dream” are similar to Offred’s thoughts about Luke. On page 121, she explains the dynamic he had with her mom, whose way of speaking often got on her nerves. “He didn’t mind, he teased her by pretending to be macho, he’d tell her women were incapable of abstract thought and she’d have another drink and grin at him.” Luke’s ability to handle- even entertain- Offred’s mother showed her that he was a keeper. Another line from Out of my League reads “If I die, don’t wake me ‘cause you are more than just a dream.” Not wanting to live without Luke is one of the major things Offred struggles with in the book.

Night Changes By One Direction

While listening to this song, I noticed the line “Going out tonight, changes into something red. Her mother doesn’t like that kind of dress, reminds her of the missing piece of innocence she lost.” It directly voices Offred’s thoughts about her daughter and coincidentally talks about wearing a red dress, which is what the handmaids are forced to wear. Offred, as a mother, doesn’t like the dress and constantly talks about it being too hot or restricting. She also lost her innocence to the system attached to the red dress, as she was pretty young when she was taken to the Center. The song says, “We’re only getting older, baby. And I’ve been thinking about it lately, does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes?” This connects to the way her daughter is growing up without her, and time is passing more quickly than she can believe. On page 228, Offred finally gets to see a picture of her daughter. “My treasure. So tall and changed… Time has not stood still. It has washed over me, washed me away.”

Set Fire to the Rain By Adele

“My hands, they were strong, but my knees were far too weak to stand in your arms without falling to your feet. But there’s a side to you that I never knew, never knew.” This portion of the song made me think of the way Offred views the Commander. She doesn’t quite know how to deal with him, whether she’s manipulating him or whether he’s manipulating her, but at the end of the day he has power over her. After she’d visited him several times in his office, she started to see another side of him, the “silly” side. “His face is a little flushed. I try to estimate how many he’s had… Behind this act of his I sense embarrassment.” (pg 229) When the Commander drinks, it becomes even more obvious that he’s kind of just a regular guy. Even though he’s in a position of power, he isn’t all-knowing, particularly wise, or anything of the sort.

The core structure of Gilead’s corruption comes from the government’s absurd obsession with religion, and even though I haven’t dealt with the same severity, this is something I can relate to. In Gilead, everything the citizens live by is following the bible, even though the majority of people aren’t even allowed to read it. From the constant prayers they have to do, to the gender roles being mostly divided to give a male preference. When I was younger, my household was mostly religious so it’s easier to find connections between my life, Gilead, and Gilead’s connection to the bible. Even though it was implied from the beginning, the part that jumped out at me the most was when Offred sees 2 guardians hung on the wall, “The two others have purple placards hung around their necks: Gender Treachery. Their bodies still wear the Guardian uniforms. Caught together, they must have been, but where? A barracks, a shower? It’s hard to say.” (Page 43) Firstly because up to this point we’ve seen a lot of power from the Guardians, this was before we ever met the Commander so other than a few other roles that we were less certain of at the time, the Guardians seemed more safe than the others. And the other reason is they died because they were caught in love, which aligns with traditional religious values that a man can only love a woman but it also resonates with me in particular because my mother is with another woman.

Around 2018, my mother and father divorced and then not long after a year later, my mom went into another relationship with my step-mom. The problem with that is we went to a Christian church at the time and no matter how much my mothers wanted to get married there, they were forbidden from doing so. This is definitely a lot less extreme than being hung and strung up over a wall but it was still a stupid religious belief that hindered my mothers freedom and happiness. After a while we decided we were going to leave the church, even though it is where my brother, sister and I got baptized, to move to a more accepting church that would also wed them. This was a church that we’ve been going to before I was even born so this was a life changing decision to make, but in the end we decided to prioritize our love over a traditional belief. The new church which was accepting of all people, no matter their religion, gender, race or sexuality and sort of is the real life parallel of the world outside of Gilead in the book.

Another part of the book that relates to the story between my mothers and religion is when we first find out about Moiras’ escape. Although this is also a more loose connection, when I was reading it it also made me think of my family and where we would be if we were in the world of Gilead. Moira was oppressed by the Gilead government as she is lesbian, and her solution was to escape from the red center and arrive somewhere where she is more free. Even though she was less successful than we were, the ideas were similar and overlapped in several ways. Although it wasn’t a direct connection to my family, her escape I think does its job in showing the reader that there still is hope if the characters are careful enough. It made me think of me or one of my mothers in her position and how we would try to escape. Moiras’ character as a whole reminds me of my stepmother with her attitude being more carefree and almost feeling younger at times. So not knowing whether she was able to escape or was caught at the end of her story almost made me sick to my stomach.

This is what makes The Handmaid’s Tale so impactful to the reader, it’s easy to put yourself into the characters shoes. Especially Offred with the entire book just being her thought process instead of her story, it makes you feel like you are there with her. But when I read The Handmaid’s Tale, I see my stepmother in Moira and my mother in Offred. Since they were friends back in the before times it is also easier to relate them, but their attitudes also align. I previously discussed Moira’s connection to my stepmother but Offred and my mom are very alike as they’re both calm and metaphorically powerful, Even if it is out of my control, doing this makes me root for the characters and feel their emotions more than characters not as well made as Atwoods.