In Chapter 35 Offred receives a gift from the commander’s wife that she has been waiting for since the day she got assigned to live with Serena Joy and the Commander. Even though she only had a minute with that special gift, at the end it didn’t feel like a gift anymore; it felt like a punishment, like she was pulled even deeper into her new life as a handmaid. Serena Joy gave Offred a polaroid of her daughter. “I take it from her, turn it around so I can see it right-side up. Is this her, is this what she’s like? My Treasure. So tall and changed. Smiling a little now, so soon, and in her white dress as if for an olden-days First Communion. Time has not stood still. It has washed over me, washed me away, as if I’m nothing more than a woman of sand, left by a careless child too near the water. I have been obliterated for her. I am only a shadow now, far back behind the glib shiny surface of this photograph. A shadow, as dead mothers become. You can see it in her eyes: I am not there. But she exists, in her white dress. She grows and lives. Isn’t that a good thing? A blessing? Still, I can’t bear it, to have been erased like that. Better she’d brought me nothing.” Knowing that her daughter, her treasure, is healthy, beautiful, alive and hopefully happy made all of those years of Offred’s suffering worth it. Every mother wants their child to be alive and safe, have them with them at all times, be able to see them everyday and give them a hug. A mother loves their child no matter what their relationship is like, no matter what they went though, and no matter where they are. Having the feeling of knowing that you have someone, and they have you but not being able to say it or show it is one of the harder things anyone could go through, especially a mother that has been there for you since the first day you met. Offred seeing her daughter without her mom in that picture made her feel like it’s her fault, feeling like she’s dead to her, and even maybe out of her memories. This made me think of the time in the book where all the handmaids had to go through “Testifying” where they tell their personal stories about being raped, getting abortions, being catcalled, and then being forced to belive that its their fault, and they deserved it. Offred already has that empty feeling inside her, sitting in her room all by herself, or being used by the commander; receiving that polaroid from Serena Joy did not help with that feeling, deep inside it made Offred feel even worse, an even more disappointment than she already believes she is. Is it better to just live in the present? Leave the past behind and hope that the good things from it come back to the future? I feel like seeing her daughter will make her days in the Gilead go by even slower than they already have been. I really believe that it would have been better for Offred to never see that polaroid, but just keep on hoping and dreaming that her daughter is out there somewhere, happy and alive.

“Is there joy in this? There could be, but have they chosen it? You can’t tell by looking.” Thought by Offred in chapter 37 page 235, this topic of thinking is something I think about often. I assume I question other people’s thought processes a lot because of the amount of time I’ve spent with psychiatrists/therapists throughout my life. Thoughts on what causes someone to have feelings about something and someone’s true feelings are common for me to think about. Like Offred, I question the grand unknown of other’s interests and experiences. Is the joy that things grant someone able to truly be understood by others? The way you answer this question depends on how your joys have come to be. There are things that bring joy to multiple people. One of the many examples of this is how many people enjoy a sport like soccer. Although they all feel joy from soccer, the joy that various people feel from soccer is still different from one another due to their individual experiences. These experiences that a human goes through are the deciding factors in what the human enjoys. These experiences are also tied to the development of what a human values. Someone like me who grew up with the lessons of how to treat others correctly is going to have different values than someone who was taught that others have no value. Although people are able to learn more and change their values through more experiences, the base values that someone is taught determine the start of the human’s journey. The empathy that I was taught has helped me go through anger issues and depression by allowing me to understand the value of life. This has allowed me to find joy in helping others but someone with a different start can lead to them finding joy in hurting others. I think that the “joy” someone feels can be forced upon them by being manipulated. Someone close to me was manipulated into moving back to the United States of America and they don’t have the means to leave after finding out they were tricked. They didn’t want to come back here but they were able to find enjoyment while here. Although it might be genuine joy, they were still manipulated into coming back here. This person really affects my life and yet I still can’t tell if their joy was a result of a choice they were willing to make. Having someone close to me who has some of their enjoyments in life as a result of something they were forced to do makes me question if other people’s joy is the result of something similar. This is especially the case for people who find enjoyment in something that I doubt I would find enjoyment in. Do the murderers and people who like Pepsi enjoy what they do because they were forced to? I don’t have the desire to kill people because I have empathy as a result of my experiences. I don’t like Pepsi because my taste buds are correct. Pepsi tastes as if carbonated liquid sugar was rotten. The thought process of deducing the reason people enjoy things and if I can enjoy something is continually affecting me today. I want to try new things that I think could bring me joy but looking at other people’s hobbies can make me concerned if the hobbies are extremely harmful to others. I feel like acknowledging this thought process can help me find more enjoyment in my life but I still worry about people who are forced to find joy in the situations they are forced into. I want people to be able to find true joy in what they seek as long as it doesn’t harm others. I don’t want anyone else to feel like they are restricted due to what situation they were forced into. I don’t want anyone else to feel as though someone close to them isn’t experiencing the joy they truly wish for. My life so far has allowed me to value my experiences. I am including all of my experiences no matter how good or bad I felt at the time. These experiences have still resulted in me being able to experience true joy. Those who have never had this privilege are those who I wish to be able to gain this privilege. I feel that no one else should bear the feeling of not discovering what it truly means to feel joy. I wish for everyone to discover their true essence.

In The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood, Offred and other handmaids express their need for love, hoping for love to come to fruition in their lives as a way of escaping their current role and situation in Gilead. “Falling in love, we said: I fell for him. We were falling women. We believed in it, this downward motion…”. This excerpt from the story captures Offred’s desire to love. What she considers love to be is love from god sharing how god loves his people showing the prominent religion that Offred ties close to.

In The Handmaid’s Tale, Margaret Atwood says how important love is, especially for Offred and the other women in Gilead. They talk about “falling in love,” which shows how much they want love in their lives. Offred thinks about love in a religious way, like how God loves people. This connects to her strong religious beliefs. When I read this part of the story, I could see similarities between Offred’s beliefs about love and my own ideas about what love means.

Love is a big word with lots of meanings. It’s not just about romance. It can be about family, friends, or even things we really care about. When I think about love, the most important kind for me is the love I have for my family. This love is so strong and unbreakable because I know my family will always be there for me no matter what.

The book shows that Offred’s idea of love is linked to her religious beliefs. She thinks about love like the way God cares for people. In the society she lives in, Gilead, religion is a huge part of everyone’s life. Offred hopes for a love that’s like the love of God – something strong, pure, and everywhere. It’s not just about romantic love for her. It’s about a deeper connection, a spiritual kind of love.

My own understanding of love is more tied to my family. The love I have for them gives me a feeling of safety and happiness. I know they’ll support me no matter what happens. It’s not about religion for me, but about this special bond that family brings. In the story, love is not just romantic. It’s about different kinds of relationships. Offred and the other handmaids have a deep need for love, connection, and freedom. They talk about “falling in love” as a kind of belief, a hope for something better. This shows that love is not just about being in a relationship with someone. It’s about the feeling of closeness and care that you share with people around you.

For me, love isn’t just about romance either. It’s also about the strong bond I share with my friends. We support each other, have fun together, and help each other through tough times. This kind of love isn’t romantic, but it’s so important in my life. The book made me think that love changes over time. As life goes on and we meet new people and experience new things, our feelings of love can also change. The love for something or someone might grow or become different. It’s like a flower that keeps on blooming, changing its colors and shape as time goes by.

The most important thing about love, according to the book and in my life, is that it’s always there, even if it changes. Offred’s hope for love, in a society where it’s restricted, is like a light in the darkness. It shows that love is a powerful force that can help us get through tough times, even if it’s just hope. Thinking about the similarities between Offred’s ideas about love and my own, I can see that love is a big part of everyone’s life. It’s not just about romance, but about the different connections we have with family, friends, or things we care deeply about. “The Handmaid’s Tale” is a reminder that love is a huge, complex thing. It’s not just one feeling, but a mix of feelings and connections. It’s about finding closeness and care with the people around us. Whether it’s the hope for something better, the bond with family, the connection with friends, or the passion for something we love, it all shows the different sides of love and how it affects our lives in many ways.

In “The Handmaid’s Tale” brainwashing is a topic brought up multiple times and it affects the characters’ choices, the things they do, and the big events that happen. One example that came up is on page 174 where they explain how the big newspapers would censor certain things from the public also in previous pages it would talk about people being told to burn books and magazines. The reason why, is because the government doesn’t want them to learn and get new ideas which could harm the government. The government in Gilead would also do things like forcing people to burn their clothes and dress according to their role in this society.

This situation has been seen worldwide throughout history and everyone has experienced propaganda and what it can do to the way you think. My parents are a perfect example of growing up to think a certain way because they grew up in Communist Albania where they were taught to think the way the government wanted them. Going to school for them was very different because most of what they were learning was to make the communist ideologies seem like it was the best for everyone. They would have classes specifically about Marxism where they were being fed information about the ideology and how great it was, they were also taught that going to the military was a good thing and that it was the right thing to do even though it was mandatory to join. The people that believed in the propaganda the most were the older people, around my grandparent’s age, and still, some younger people now who support socialist parties in Albania. But some people hate communism with a passion because of what they went through as a child, growing up with nothing.

When you compare the two you see a lot of similarities because they both were manipulated by a government that wanted people to think like them also they both had to live the way the government thought was best. One thing that would happen in this book is rigged elections brought up on page 174 which shows how they wanted a way to trick the people into thinking everything was fair but it was not. You would see things like this in countries like Russia where they say they are democratic countries but when there are elections the people who come up against Putin mysteriously pass away. Also at this point of the story it seems like whoever is in control is a dictator and no one can do anything about it, just like in Albania when the dictator Enver Hoxha was in power until he passed away. One thing you could say is seen in both situations is people’s connections with the government because there are people in “The Handmaid’s Tale” who fully believe in the government like the aunts while you have people in the book who hate the government and do things which if they were caught doing they would have to face heavy consequences, just like people in Albania who hate communism and the other people who were crying like they lost their child when the dictator Enver Hoxha passed away. People in Albania have tried to escape by going to Greece or other nearby countries to leave the oppression and live a normal life where they could be free to do whatever, the people in Gilead think the same, and even in chapter 35 Offred and Luke try to escape and while they are they are thinking about their past lives and what it was like to be free.

While reading this book you can see that Margaret had many inspirations from the past by taking things done by dictators to see how to make the world seem as dystopian as possible. The author has done this many times by making different connections to the real world and it is all through the point of view of someone a lot of people can relate to (not me). Looking back to all that I have read made me think how much I take things for granted because of the conditions my parents grew up in and what they had to go through under communism things can still change like in the book because the world was normal not too long ago and things can change fast.

In chapter six of The Handmaid’s Tale, Gilead is still being introduced to us as readers, and so is Offred. I first noticed Offred’s word choice on the first page while beginning this chapter. “We walk, sedately” (30) is how she describes her and Ofglen’s stroll into town for groceries. This line stood out to me just because it’s strange. I had never heard this word before, but I used my best judgment to assume what it meant as I read. It’s a curious word to choose, although using it in this context makes sense. While it means to do something “in a quiet, relaxed, or slow way without excitement or risk,” that’s not how I first thought about it. I imagined Offred and Ofglen walking like they were under sedation (obviously, since that’s where the word comes from), dazed or unconcerned with their surroundings. I doubt this was a careless choice by Atwood, so there is meaning to be uncovered. Using this specific word means something to the world-building. Offred and Ofglen’s movements, described as “sedately,” insinuate a slowness to their walking. I think this is because of their lack of enthusiasm and their medical/incapacitated state.

The line directly after that one also struck me as peculiar; “The sun is out, in the sky there are white fluffy clouds, the kind that look like headless sheep.” (30). I feel like the average person wouldn’t have noticed that darker shape in clouds. Like, wouldn’t cotton balls have made more sense? So I got the feeling that she only made this observation because of the current situation she is in, being a Handmaid. This glum and wicked world is becoming normal to her, so maybe she just naturally thought about headless sheep. I took this quote as Atwood trying to portray that Offred’s perspective is changing (in minute ways like this) as she spends more time in Gilead.

As I continued to read, other quotes stuck out to me. Ofglen and Offred continue their walk and pass by the football stadium. She points out that Men’s Salvagings are held there, “As well as the football games. They still have those” (31). I thought this was such a curious note to make. She’s referring to (what I’ve gathered are public) executions and then quickly switches to the fact that they still hold football games. It’s a stark contrast, referring to the continuation of certain traditions from “before” in a world that differs from what Offred was born into. This book often forces the reader to consider what life would be like if you were in Gilead, and how you would react to the abrupt changes. To think of holding public executions, that you were forced to go to, is kind of crazy. Offred has been in Gilead for a few years, and as I put myself into her shoes, I can’t imagine getting used to seeing that. Again, Atwood is doing this on purpose; she wants the readers to grapple with the new “normal” of this world and how it seems like people transitioned quite easily.

“You don’t know what it’s like” (179). In The Handmaid’s Tale, through Offred’s thoughts, it is revealed how the world before Gilead started to change into what it is today which in the least is unjust. When I first began reading this book, I didn’t expect to be so confused and trying to find the meaning behind multiple phrases, actions, and events enacted by characters in this novel, but Margaret Atwood has made that impossible. Further, in The Handmaid’s Tale, there are particular sections I could grasp and have strong emotions towards.

In chapter 28, Atwood reveals through the narration of Offred, how before Gilead, the government began to change by stripping women of holding something of value they can depend on to live. I want to specifically concentrate on the event when Offred and the other women at her job were dismissed from their positions, and then when Offred talks to Luke about what was happening. Atwood writes, “I’m sorry, he said, but it’s the law. I really am sorry…I have to let you go, he said. It’s the law, I have to. I have to let you all go. He said this almost gently, as if we were wild animals, frogs he’d caught, in a jar, as if he were being humane…Not fired, ” he said. Let go. You can’t work here anymore, it’s the law. He ran his hands through his hair and I thought, He’s gone crazy. The strain has been too much for him and he’s blown his wiring” (176). In this quote, Offred describes how the director of where she worked came into the women’s workspace to announce that they had to leave because the law demanded it, followed by how Offred describes his tone and what she believes might have been the reason for him saying this.

After reading this section, I felt confused and angry. I couldn’t comprehend why the women were being stripped away from their jobs without an explanation just because the law demanded it, and I knew Offred felt the same. I must admit, I’ve never had a job. Even so, I can comprehend how unfair and frustrating it can be to be demanded, as a woman, to leave a duty where we come to earn an income that helps maintain our lives, and at the same time be treated like we don’t deserve it, but still have to respond to such judgment, made by someone else’s demands, implied to be from the government: a law. Furthermore, I’ve seen first-hand how hard my mother works to provide for me and my other two younger brothers, a well-living home due to her hard efforts to keep working, even though every time I see her, she looks exhausted trying to keep up. Moreover, I can positively say it would be a frustrating and complicated time for her if she were to lose her job like those women did.

Additionally, after going home, Offred talks with Moira and Luke about the situation at hand. Moira informed, “Women can’t hold property anymore…it’s a new law” (178). Offred continues to narrate, “…We’ll get through it, he said, hugging me. You don’t know what it’s like, I said. I feel as if somebody cut off my feet. I wasn’t crying. Also, I couldn’t put my arms around him…Hush, he said. He was still kneeling on the floor. You know I’ll always take care of you. I thought, already he’s starting to patronize me. Then I thought, already you’re starting to get paranoid” (179). In these quotes, the reader is made aware of what the law is demanding; how Luke attempts to comfort Offred with words but proves to be useless while seeing how she feels misunderstood, defeated by how her body refuses to show affection, degrading herself for how she is feeling and what she’s thinking about. I empathize with Offred’s reaction. If I were in her place, talking about something I have strong emotions towards with a person close to me, and felt that they were trying to comfort me instead of attempting to understand and listen to what’s at stake, I would feel as if they didn’t care about what I was telling them and that they just wanted to get rid of me. Like Offred, I, too, wouldn’t have been able to hug someone after they indirectly showed me they were in denial of my concerns. From how Atwood shaped each character’s response and their reactions, it made me feel as if I were experiencing the moment. How she uses words and their meanings, the tone of her writing, and how she shapes each conversation make me curious and immersed in her writing.

There are multiple chapters in The Handmaid’s Tale where Atwood wrote moments that trigger one’s emotions towards the novel and raise questions about moments, persuading the reader to continue reading, even if they deem the story a lost cause. In a way, this is how I feel. Yet, for that sole reason, I want to see the end of this novel and see what will be of Offred and those around her that continue to alter her life. What’s more, as far as I’ve reached in the novel, Atwood has shown a mixture of vocabulary, integration of invented words, dialogue, character development in odd ways but understandable on multiple occasions, and the integration of how life takes its course in a corrupted society, led by grim regimes. Taking into account these factors, it raises specific emotions and connections that we see in our world, showing us how power can control those without it; the reason why I choose this option for my second lit log.

Offred has always been mentally challenged. Each chapter we see her battling with a new internal conflict that she has created from her thoughts. Throughout the book, we see the repetition of “the thought of” followed by a scenario that negatively affects her mood. This resonates with me because my mind has always been my biggest enemy, while also being my best friend at times. Just like Offred, I’ll expect the absolute worst to save myself from disappointment.

I deeply connect with Offred when she says “This contradictory way of believing seems to me, right now, the only way I can believe anything. Whatever the truth is, I will be ready for it.” (pg 106). Whenever I use my head to escape from reality and the misfortunes it brings, I’m always left in a jaded state of mind. In chapter 18, three scenarios of what happened to Luke fills Offred’s mind. One of those scenarios being Luke dead in the place they were found trying to escape, while another one he is in prison. Her final imagination explains him crossing the border and unexpectedly sending her a message. She has no idea what to expect so she holds on tight to these ideas so nothing comes as a surprise. It’s very essential to use your head as an advantage when it comes to defeating the unexpected, like Offred for example.

However, it is also very unhealthy whenever your mental state is consumed from the terrible thoughts you tell yourself. Somehow Offred and I are always left in a state of grief or despair, and most of the time we don’t even have to lose someone to feel these emotions. We are truly just in our head. It’s our escape from the reality we don’t want to face. But sometimes we need an escape from the escape. There are lots of times where Offred remenines on her past life with Luke and her daughter to distract herself from Gilead. Her thoughts of them two aren’t always sunshine and rainbows. “Weep. Weeping is what it is, not crying. I sit in this chair and ooze like a sponge.” (pg 227). This quote is Offred’s reaction to a scenario that she created in her head of Luke being dead. She got really carried away with her imagination and probably left herself in an even more severe state that she was in before.

Even though I am in no way close to living the life that Offred does, I still divert my mind from unpleasant aspects of my everyday life, normally using my imagination or entertainment to influence my thought process. Everytime I have discovered my true self, it has always been from stepping into my own world of creation, and I would think the same has happened for Offred. If one’s imagination is strong enough, their imagination can become the new reality.

In chapter 30 of The Handmaid’s Tale, Margaret Atwood describes the story of how Offred loses her pet. Many people have had that experience, including me. However, the way Offred’s and my story go is not what you would expect.

Offred and her husband, Luke, were planning to leave their house and go to another country. They prepared everything and then found that they did not know what to do about their cat. “We could give her away, I said. One of the neighbors. Even as I said this, I saw how foolish that would be.”(192) Offred and Luke were worried that if they left the cat behind, she would start meowing and people would know they were gone. Offred did not want to go along with what Luke was thinking so she proposed anything she could think of, trying to deny where this conversation was going. Though it might sound like it, denial is not intentional. There isn’t a moment where we rationally decide to be in denial, instead, our brain automatically does it to protect us. When you’re confronted with something you can’t accept, your brain tries to make you rationalize other possibilities, no matter how far-fetched they may be. Similar to Offred, I have experienced denial related to my pets too. Standing at the end of my driveway, seeing my dad looking at a cat that had been run over and hearing him say my cat’s name put me in that same state of denial. I took no time to think, I had no control of my body. I found myself moving away from the road, screaming no repeatedly. I dropped to the ground, hiding my face, trying not to see the scene in front of me. I did not want to accept what had just been implied and my brain tried to prevent me from believing it, though a part of me was aware of the truth.

Luke decided to be the one to solve their predicament. He told Offred he’d “take care of it”. Offred immediately knows he plans on killing the cat. She sits there as he goes to find the cat and she doesn’t move until after he’s done. “You have to create an it, where none was before. You do that first, in your head, and then you make it real.” (193) Offred justified Luke calling the cat “it” by saying that’s how he was able to go through with it. I understand that Offred and Luke tried to detach themselves from their cat and tried to make this easier for them. That doesn’t mean that they were right. Simply saying “it” instead of “her” is not enough to make that decision any easier. I know that very well because my mom tried to do the same thing. She tried to make me feel better about losing my cat by suggesting we could just get another cat the next day. That didn’t change anything. No one can detach themselves from a pet that easily or quickly. That relationship exists still, no matter how much you may try to erase it. It would take someone who never truly cared for the cat to be able to go through with killing her. Sitting there and letting it happen also showed how apathetic Offred was. She could have tried to argue against it but she sat there and let Luke go through with it. Unlike her, I fought back against any comments that were made about getting a new cat. The last thing I would allow to happen was for people to act like my cat wasn’t as special as he was, like he was replaceable, like he was simply an “it”.

Not only did Offred just sit there and let it happen, but she refused to hold her husband accountable for what he did. “…because that little sacrifice,…was done for my sake as well. That’s one of the things they do. They force you to kill, within yourself.”(193) Offred tries to blame what they did on someone else, saying they were forced into making that decision. She does this to try and remove herself from what happened, knowing that if she were to accept that her husband chose to kill their cat by his own will, she also let it happen by her own will, refusing to act even though she had many chances to do so. Putting the blame on someone else makes it easier to not feel guilty, and though I understand that well, I have never been one to think like that. While Offred used any opportunity to blame others, I did not blame anyone specifically. There were many people I could blame, my family for letting my cat out, the driver for being reckless, or myself for not being there sooner and preventing it. Though placing the blame on someone besides me would in theory make me feel better, I knew that this was not something that could be blamed on one party alone. Luke and Offred knew what they were doing and they decided to go through with such an awful decision instead of trying to keep the cat alive in other ways. The cat was not of any priority to either of them, yet the killing of her required them to act how they did to rationalize and excuse it.